I'm a work-at-home mom.  My kids are 4 and 8. I'm having a tough time balancing work and motherhood. My little one doesn't understand that 'Mommy needs to work' and my older one wants me to drop everything when he walks in the door, but it's not always possible. What can I do?

Because you’re physically present, kids naturally expect a work-at-home parent to be available.   Younger children lack the skills (patience, the ability to keep quiet) that allow us to easily juggle their needs and our work responsibilities simultaneously.

Some possible tactics:

• A designated office space (preferably with a door) visually shows that you can’t be disturbed.  Your older child will understand it, but a closed door is not always an option with little ones.
• Have your 4 year old “pretend” she’s like Mommy and set up a workspace for her.  She can color, read or type on her toy computer just like you and be close.
• Restrict phone calls to ‘child-free’ time.  Your 4 year old is probably more likely to interrupt you when she sees and hears you paying attention to someone else than if you’re ‘just on the computer’. (Why not me, she thinks).
• Ask for their help with simple tasks.  They may feel productive or bored; in the latter case, you can at least feel you tried to include them in your work.

Arrange your schedule, if possible, to be free for a half hour when your 8 year old comes in from school.  It’s a very important time to reconnect and hear about the peer-part of her day.  Let her know it’s a ‘break’ for you as well, and she likely won’t resent your returning to work as much as if you seem annoyed by her interruption.  She’ll move on and so can you!

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Tackling Work-At-Home Guilt
written by Penny Lane, March 05, 2010

My previous exec job was very accepting of the fact that I homeschool. When I - along with countless others - was downsized, I realized I had a serious problem. I was now an unemployed, homeschooling, single mom in a tough economy.

Looking around my home one weepy day, I realized I had been telecommuting for the last couple of years and had accumulated all the SOHO trappings a freelance worker needed to succeed.

Has it been easy? Honestly, no. My son is old enough to understand I need to work but I haven't yet reached the point where I can stick to a specific schedule. He's also an only child, so if I close the door, he feels alone. Abandoned by both parents.

Adjusting my schedule works for a couple of days, until he adjusts his too. He wants to mimic me and has done very well with his own desk setup. Thankfully, he is at the point where he accepts certain boundaries. Even initiated a couple of his own.

When I had a "normal" job, I dropped him off at school and picked him up at his after-school program. Although I felt guilty, I had the geographical separation that prevented me from being right there next to him. Now, I'm either in the same room or within yelling distance but sometimes can't run to his side the way either of us imagined I'd be able to.

Being there yet not really being there because I'm building a business. That hurts.

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