How Today's Kids Address Adults
By Marianne Beach, GALTime staff

When I was a kid, I was told, in no uncertain terms, that all adults were to be referred to as 'Mr. and Mrs. Last Name.' Anything else wasn't respectful or polite and just wasn't done. In fact, the practice was so drilled into my head that today, at age 36, I still feel weird about calling some of my parents' friends by their first names.

But has this practice gone the way of Leave it to Beaver reruns? And if so, what does it mean for kids showing respect to their elders? I spoke with Beverly Hills Manners CEO and Founder Lisa Gaché, who is also a mother herself.

GT: Is the practice of kids addressing adults as "Mr. and Mrs. Last Name" a dying trend in the US?

Lisa: I definitely believe so. Certainly, this is the case here in Southern California where we are more liberal and most parents actually prefer to be on a first name basis. However, I know that regions such as the South and many parts of the North East are more traditional and, therefore, adults in those parts expect that kids will address them by their title and surname, unless they are given permission to do otherwise.

GT: I've heard lately a lot of kids addressing adults as "Ms. Marianne" or "Mr. Paul" - using their first names instead of last. Is this a new trend? What do you think about it?

Lisa: We’ve seen this for many years in environments such as dance studios where ballet instructors are often addressed as Miss Diane or Miss Sophie. However, the trend has now caught on with other arenas such as doctors’ offices. I believe the title and first name was adapted to help young patients feel more comfortable with their experience at the doctor’s office. Using the title and first name allows the doctor to appear more friendly and familiar as opposed to cold and threatening. My daughters’ pediatrician is a perfect example. I was a patient of his growing up and used to always address him as Dr. Waldstein. Now when my girls have an office visit, they are told to call him Dr. Peter.

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Lisa: This can be very confusing for kids. What I suggest is to tell them that all adults should be addressed by their titles and surnames during the initial meeting and explain to them that this is the way kids show respect and deference to their elders. Once they understand this, you may add that if the adult prefers to be on a first name basis that is perfectly fine as long as they have given permission to address them in the more casual manner.

GT: As an etiquette expert, what do you feel is the proper way for kids to address adults? Or, is it really an individual decision?

Lisa: Many kids could certainly benefit from instilling a few more rules and formalities. However as a mother, I believe there is room for a bit of flexibility in making this determination as long as kids are aware and respectful. Growing up in a liberal household where all adults were addressed on a first name basis, I sometimes find it a little awkward when my close friends from the South introduce me to their kids using a title and surname. I would be more than happy to have their children address me by my first name. However, if I were taking my daughters on a trip back East and I was making introductions to various adults, I would be sure to have them use the more formal form of address, at least in that initial introduction.

Parents, do you insist your kids use formal titles when addressing adults? Do you prefer to be addressed by your first name or title by other kids? How do you feel about the trend to drop formalities?

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written by prairiebreeze, August 10, 2010

As a preschool teacher, I am addressed as Ms Lily, oddly enough, in some of the stores in my small town I am also addressed as Ms Lily. I like it.
Putting the Ms in front of the name may sound like something out of the old south, but it is a formality that I appreciate.

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written by Rachael Lafreniere-Conrad, July 27, 2010

I think it all depends on how the adult wants to be addressed. Our boys will say Mrs/Miss and then the first name like Mrs Rachael. Unless the adult is like my husband who does not wanna be called Mr. He says it makes him feel old. I do feel that there is a lack of respect coming from kids these days though.

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