Before we moved, we had tons of kids over all the time. He would have all night video game parties or swim parties. I love having lots of kids around and he always seemed to have such a good time with everyone. His teachers tell me he is very popular with the other kids. The friends I have met at school tell me he quits talking as soon as I show up but that normally he is very fun. I know he spends a lot of time texting and on his facebook page, but mostly he plays video games at home. He is a good kid and makes good grades and helps me out around the house when I need it. He is respectful and thoughtful. I have asked him why he doesn't do anything with his friends (invite them over or go anywhere) and if I'm doing something to embarrasses him and he gets upset and quits talking to me.

It occurred me that your son is either in his teens now, or will be soon. At this time, he is changing a lot. Chemically, physically and mentally. Adding in the new place to live and it could just be that it is taking him longer to settle in than you expected, or are comfortable with. If you are seriously worried about him you can talk to a counselor at school or get him to a psychologist. There is usually a mental health center in most county's. Look them up and find out how to make an appointment for him, and possibly for you. It sounds like you feel like you are kind of in over your head.

We have a nice house but I haven't done much to decorate or make it homey because I can't really afford anything. Also I have a very old and beat up looking car. He doesn't complain about either of those things but maybe he knows we can't afford anything else and he doesn't want me to feel bad. Do any of you think you wouldn't hang out with your friends if your parents had an ugly car, or do you have any other ideas?

It sounds like you, too, are embarrassed about your car and your house. Maybe he is worried because he knows that those things bother you. There are a lot of decorating things that can be done with very little expense. Ask your son what he thinks is the most important thing that your home needs. Then the two of you see what you can come up with. Look in libraries, magazines and online. Make it a contest. Give yourselves a week to come up with ideas, then plan a time to sit down and talk about what can be done. Decide what it is that both of you want to do, and figure out what is needed and how to do it. If it will take hands to help, maybe you could suggest that maybe a friend or two might be willing to come help and get paid with pizza, or something similar.

It sounds like you have a nice relationship with your 3 year old. Good going!

Some of the things I learned from my Mom and on my own:

If you find yourself getting upset about something, mentally take a step back and ask yourself is this is going to matter in 5 minutes? Sometimes, we are tired and act without thinking. This kind of gives you the edge over it.

Housework is always there, your kids will not. Take the time to play, even if the floor needs to be picked up, or some other chore. One day when we were all bored and cranky, I put all the dining room chairs in a circle with the backs facing inward. I got 2 blankets and showed them how to make a "Tent" with them. Then we went inside it and told stories and tried to make each other laugh. It worked and we were much less apt to annoy each other.Kids grow up, they move away, etc. They will never be the same age as they are now. Never. Enjoy it.

I can remember laying out on the grass with them watching ants. The kids were fascinated. I remembered doing the same thing as a kid.

When I would be working in the garden, I would hand each child a serving spoon and they would "help" me. The spoons get cleaned, dirt washes out of clothes, and baths are fun.

Don't be fearful of letting your child get dirty. It won't hurt them and they can always get clean later.

My younger son and I would have a power struggle almost every school day over what he was going to wear. He didn't want to wear what I picked out and I wouldn't let him wear sweats or other non-school clothes. My Mom suggested that I pick out 3 outfits and let him choose between those three. That way we both got to decide. It worked. Then he started wearing all black (I think he was 11). He had discovered that the girls looked at him approvingly when he wore black. So that's what he wore.

My older son never cared about what he wore, as long as it was comfortable.

I've been reading all these comments, and I can't even believe the whininess of all these comments. I'm seventeen, and I went through a stage where "I hated my parents" because they made me do chores and homework and I didnt get a car and blah blah blah. But its because they forced to me have a work ethic, and they forced me to be responsible, that I turned out to be the person that I am. I am grateful that my parents cared enough to get invlolved. When parents intrude, its because they are worried. I especially disagree with number one. Parents are not perfect; they mess up JUST LIKE TEENAGERS. I don't expect my parents to be perfect because is. I'm not. And you know what? If you are ashamed of what you are doing and you don't want to tell your parents, then maybe you shouldn't be doing it! When my asks me if I'm "sexually active" I tell the truth because I trust my parents. And all of you pathetic losers who have the gall to blame your parents for your current problems disgust me. Unless your parents molested or abused you, I think that you are shifting the blame from your own inadequacies to your parents. "Oh, I cant hang out with my friends or I can't go to the movies". Boo freakin hoo. I mean really? the only reason I get to hang out with my friemds is because I have a job, and I can pay my own gas, insurance, and I don't have to ask them for money! Also, perhaps you should look at the bigger picture. AS children, we have only a a few things to worry about - school, friends, etc. Parents have much more: their kids, their jobs, the house, the mortgage, the economy, and so much more. The world isn't about you - my parents taught me the value of sacrifice, of doing something I don't want to do because it helps someone else. I am grateful that my parents don't follow eight of these ten ridiculous rules. And I'm only seventeen.

im 18 years old! MY DAD WONT LET ME HAVE A BF!! i cant go to the movies with friends! i cant get out of my house (not even front yard) unless i go to work or school but i have to come back home... n theres a whole lot more going on...basically im living the life how my dad wants to because of all the mistakes he did in the past without letting me do mistakes of my own to be able to learn!

One rule my parents never broke was "Making the house as sterile as an operating room"... need I elaborate? They were guilty as sin about disrespecting my friends.

If I wrote a book on parenting, it would be simple: Don't be like my parents.

I see a lot of teenagers writing so I'm hoping you can give me advice, or other parents who have been through something similar.

A couple of years ago I was divorced and my then pre-teen and I had to move to where I found a job to support us. He was mad at me for a long time and also just sad to leave his dad and his friends and I understand that. I thought he was having trouble making friends because he does not talk about any friends, but now I think he just doesn't want to bring them home for some reason (which logically might be me).

Before we moved, we had tons of kids over all the time. He would have all night video game parties or swim parties. I love having lots of kids around and he always seemed to have such a good time with everyone. His teachers tell me he is very popular with the other kids. The friends I have met at school tell me he quits talking as soon as I show up but that normally he is very fun. I know he spends a lot of time texting and on his facebook page, but mostly he plays video games at home. He is a good kid and makes good grades and helps me out around the house when I need it. He is respectful and thoughtful. I have asked him why he doesn't do anything with his friends (invite them over or go anywhere) and if I'm doing something to embarrasse him and he gets upset and quits talking to me.

We have a nice house but I haven't done much to decorate or make it homey because I can't really afford anything. Also I have a very old and beat up looking car. He doesn't complain about either of those things but maybe he knows we can't afford anything else and he doesn't want me to feel bad. Do any of you think you wouldn't hang out with your friends if your parents had an ugly car, or do you have any other ideas?

Hello. I've read some very interesting and scary comments here. Honestly, i have learnt a little too. I grew up with my mum (my dad was busy spreading his oatmeal around town). My mum is a free thinker and she let us grow independently but with little restrictions now and then. I made a lot of mistakes but i learned from them. I am a better person today because i was allowed to be who i was meant to be. We live and we learn. Give your children breathing space, parents. And children, your parents DO love you though sometimes they sound like dictators. Peace and love.

I am going to be 19 and i live with my dad and his wife. i dong have a problem with my father untile his wife comes into the picture. she trys to run everything i cant go anywhere with anyone, she gets mad if i dont tell her something but if i was to tell her should would get mad at that. she loves to controle everyones lives and she does not let anyone have a life of their own. i do understand that we have to listen to are parents but there is a point that they are runing our social life. my friends will tell sometimes that they would rather not even hang out beacause they see how my stepmom is !! i really dont like that i wanna be able to hangout with my friends and have a good time and not have to worry if when i go home am i going to be yelled at beacuse i was not home.. what am i to do ??!!

When I was growing up my parents did what they probably thought were the best things for me. But I feel like they have completely messed it all up. #10 really hits home for me. I'd never have friends over because my parents were so embarassing and intrusive, they would fight while my friends were there(my bestfriend just told me the other day that she clearly remembers them fighting every time she came over) and my mother was a pack rat(still is). And there would be tons and tons of boxes and stacks of useless things to live among. I couldn't talk to them about anything and when I did they wouldn't listen or they would yell at me. Example: I went to them and asked them to take me to the dr for birth control, no one wants to think of their kids having sex, and they felt by saying no that I simply wouldn't have sex. Being the oldest they never let me do anything, so when I ended up pregnant at 16 they decided to change the rules with my youngest sister. She did whatever she wanted stayed the night at her boyfriend's house drank all weekend every weekend and also got pregnant at 16.(and I offered to take her for birth control because I knew how our parents were)
My biggest fear is that I'm going to in some way screw up with my children. They are still young so its not too late to learn all the right and wrong ways to deal with things. I have to say that I have been guilty of not setting a good example and gossiping on the phone about people.
I make sure that I give my son space with his friends(he's only 5). I'll look in from time to time if it gets too quiet haha. (You just never know what they could be doing when the silence sets in.)
According to this article I'm not failing yet!
We'll see when my kids are teenagers. I just have to remember my teen years for some reference. I hope to always have good communication with my children.
Also... someone mentioned introducing your children to every man/woman that you date & that you shouldn't do this. I couldn't agree more. I am a single mother and my son's father is taking him around this woman he has been seeing for less than a month. I have explained that it is going to hurt him, and that its not good to let him get attached to anyone that HE himself is not willing to get attached to. But, he is more worried about his personal gain than the pain he causes his son later and sadly I can't do anything about it. If you are not into a relationship heart and soul DO NOT bring your children into the picture!!! Lying to them is not the answer either. "This is my 'friend'" = not going to work. I worry that my son's image of women is going to be distorted. Even though I am a single parent, I believe I can help them understand dating and relationships. I won't be single forever & that'll be a whole new ball game I'm sure.

Try your best and if you think you are messing it up I guess ask your kids for their input! You might not like what you hear but take it into consideration and keep your cool. I wish my parents would have done this; I think it would have helped the relationship we had.

I am 22 yrs old and raising a 3 yr old son alone.... I have had many problems myself with the "overprotective mom" issue. My parents split up when I was 11, my father split town and my mother worked all the time to provide for us. As a result I got myself into more than my fair share of trouble. Because of my behavior, my mother stopped trusting me and began to deeply intrude into my life, long after i had finally wised up and started making better choices and decisions. It caused a deep strain on our relationship and to this day we have problems with her being too inquisitve about my personal life and commenting on my parenting style and lifestyle choices. I understand (now that i have a child of my own!) why she did what she did and acts the way she does. I'm personally trying to avoid the same issues with my son when he gets older. I can only hope that I am a more understanding and open parent than she was.
Here's the deal....
Kids- Listen to your parents. I know it sucks not getting to do what you want whenever you want but I promise most of what they are doing is trying to keep you from making the same mistakes that they did. If you want something more ( more privalages, a later curfew, internet access in your room, etc.) than present the idea to them along with why you believe that you deserve it and what you are willing to do to earn that privalage. They will be much more inclined to listen to you and actually think on what you said instead of it just being an automatic no. My 3 yr old and I wheel and deal if he wants a new toy or a bag of candy or money or whatever. We come to an agreement to a chore or something he needs to do to earn whatever it is he wants. I hope it will continue on like this through the teenage years so he does learn that nothing in life is a right, only a privalage... And please remember parents are people too. We are not perfect, we don't know everything and we make mistakes like everyone else. We would love to have all the right answers for everything but kids just don't come with an instruction manuel so unless we had the best parents in the world to look up to and follow we are just guessing and trying to do what we feel is best for you just like every other parent on the planet. Just remeber that no matter how badly we mess up we probably had the best intentions and we love you very much.
Parents-Please ease off of your children and give them room to grow. They will never learn to make the right decisions if you don't give them the chance to make mistakes. And your kids love you, idolize you no matter what they scream at you when they are mad. They look up to you and want to be like you so please try to give them the best example of what you want them to be. And they really do want some rules. If you let them do whatever they want then they feel unloved and push the limits as far as they can to get the attention they so desperatly want. And you have to trust your child unless they give you a valid reason not to (being ten minutes late getting home is not a valid reason to go through their email and diaries. that is deeply overreacting). Let them earn your trust bit by bit and let them grow. And love them, love them, love them no matter wether you agree with their chioces or not always love them.
I think if parents and children can learn to talk and give each others' opinions a chance and trust each other just a little, than the world can be a better more loving place.
And to those kids that are truely in a bad situation ( abuse, molestation, etc) please please please talk to someone.
A teacher, a guidance conselor, a friends parent, a coach, anyone you can trust... Kick and scream and fight until someone believes and someone pays attention and gets you out. I'm not a deeply religious person but I will be praying for you...
*live every day like it's your last*

Ok what see said was true, and so did you guys ( needless to say I didn't read them all) But thats not the piont nether of my parents are like that but there are some kids parents that are like that. How? I don't even no their parents and I know their jerks? How? Look at how some kids behave, never the less thats were the kids get it. And parents say we are giving the atatude.

My little sister, on the other hand, is even worse off then me. My stepfather, who I call my dad even though him and my mom aren't married any longer, is her biological father. He is VERY opinionated and loud. He doesn't let anyone tell him what to do and he gets angry very easily. My sister is 13 years old and has picked up on this. She disrespects my mother, because my mom has given up trying to be a parent. She lets my sister get away with swearing and disrespecting her. When I was her age, I was afraid to disrespect my mother. I never disrespected my mother. My little sister has the worst attitude and I wonder how she even has friends. She's a know-it-all as most teens are and she gets away with almost anything. I'm afraid that when I move out in a few weeks, that things will get even worse.

Now the whole "throw in the towel" point comes into play. When my mom and my sister argue, my mom just goes, "You know what? I'm not dealing with this anymore." She then cries and locks herself in her room. I see this as very childish, because if I was my mom I would've grounded her on the spot.
I don't know what to do with my little sister. I can't do much, because if I do, my parents get on to me.
Parents, don't give up and let your child have free reign. There are rules you need to enforce. Your child might not like it, but if you give them too much room they'll end up just making their life more miserable. We need structure as a kid that way we can have structure as an adult. If you're a single mother, don't introduce your kid(s) to every man you start to date. Same goes for dads about women. You need to make sure the relationship works. Your relationships affect your kid(s) just as much, if not more, as they affect you. If you put your kids in a stable environment, they will grow up and have stable relationships and friendships. Both parents need to talk to their kid(s). Even if your kid locks themselves in their room, you need to barge in and make them play a game of monopoly or something with you. It's good to give your kids privacy, it shows them that you trust them enough and respect their privacy to leave them alone when they wish it. But sometimes when teens want to be alone it's because they're depressed or trying to shut themselves off from the world. Please, new parents or experienced parents, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE read up on teenage depression and read the signs. Even if it's not your kid(s) but one of their friends, you can save someone's life if you know what you're looking for and stop it before it grows.
Please become aware of this. It's vital.
You don't know how many times I wished when I was younger that my mom had realized it and didn't put her relationship before us. How many times I stayed up at night and cried because I felt alone. Please, for your child(s)' sake, take an active position in your child(s)' life and be open to listening to them talk, even if the problems seem small. Just asking how they are or making them play a game of monopoly can make a world of difference.
Thank you.

I'm 19 years old and my mother's 3rd child. I've never met my biological father and have had 2 stepfathers since I was born.

I love my mom, but for the longest time I've disagreed with a lot of things she's done. This article hits a point when it says to set a good example. My first stepfather was physically and emotionally abusive to my mom. I was only 4 at the time, but I remember them telling me to go to my room and as a kid I was curious so I sneaked back out to see what was going on. I still remember clearly me seeing him raise his hand to her. He had OCD and anger management problems. I'll hate him to this day for what he put my mom through, but I can't blame him solely. My mom was the one who stuck around when she knew she could've got out of it.

I've seen my mom in plenty of abusive relationships. She got out of one a couple of years ago that not only hurt her, but me and my little sister too. The guy was emotionally abusive and a drunk. My mom was so depressed while we lived there that she had threatened her life a couple of time, though this wasn't new to us. She almost wrecked our car one day, saying she should just kill us now. She was so blind to the fact that it was taking a toll on all of us. I was 15 at the time and had my own problems. I'm extremely empathic and had been dealing with depression for 3 years without it getting treated. She found out the hard way about my depression when I attempted suicide in '05. I remember her distinctly while I was at the hospital telling me she didn't realize I was depressed. I still battle depression but not as bad.

I've learned a lot of negative things from my mother. I have unstable relationships, mostly because I've had the insecurity of men leaving me like my biological father left me mom and cheated on his wife with my mom. I'm horrible at socializing. I have very few friends and my mom is the same way.She also LOVES to play the guilt trip on us. "Oh I must be such a horrible parent." "Maybe I should just kill myself and get it done with." "Maybe I should move out of the house and get a one bedroom apartment." That kind of stuff. This annoys me to know end! Parents, do not try the guilt trip! It only works for so long before you start pushing your kids away. That and the fact that she overdramatic about every little thing. Just this morning she got mad at me because she woke me up and asked me to find something. I was trying to find it and she asked me again if I couldn't find it to which I replied, "Look, give me a second. I just woke up, I'm tired." She then got mad and started yelling. I've gotten to the point where I have had to say, "Mother! Just shoosh! Jeez! Let me explain!" It irritates me to no end. Another thing parents should think about. Don't start yelling at your kids because you're irritated or in a hurry or stressed out. Talk to us calmly and things should go much smoother!

I'm a good person, though. I'm extremely nice and I listen to everyone's problems and try to help as much as I can. I learned this positive trait from my mom. Even through all the bad things, I learned to treat people with respect and to have my own opinions. I learned to stand up for what I believe in and to speak my mind. So not all of it is bad.

Also, there are a couple more that parents tend to do, being:

1: They want to check all the instant messages and text’s between you and your friends. Which is like wanting them to call you over at a social so you can listen in on their conversations with their friends. So not happening.

2: Sexist Parents. They don’t let a girl do anything with a guy solely because they are the opposite gender, even when it is blatant that they are not interested in each other.

3: They don’t let you dress the way you want, you have to look preppy and wonderful and it only makes the child angry that they can’t be who they want to be, which makes it hard for them to find the friends they want to be around, because they don’t know which friends their parents will like.

4: Their friends are afraid of the parents because they control and micro manage their kids.

Those are what I find to bother me lol.

First I would like to say thanks for giving my post the most positive feedback.

Someone mentioned I should tell my dad about what I posted by showing him this webpage. Well, I did that and got a much different response then I thought I would. After he read it he sat back in his chair and tears started to fall on his cheeks. I asked him what was wrong and he replied ”You have just confirmed I have succeeded in becoming the father I always wished I had”.

Not sure what he meant I became very curious and asked him about his childhood but he seemed reluctant to tell me anything specific. What he did say was “I loved my dad, your grandpa with all heart but it becomes very damaging to your character and makes you feel sad when you grow up never truly sure if he loves you back. When you were born I made it my mission in life to show you so much love that you will never know what it was like to feel that way”.

Mission Accomplished

I'm still a teenager and I even agree with many of these statements. Even tho I live with my grandparents and they're "old school", they still provide a good and happy environment and do not judge my friends before they get to know them so this makes me not scared to bring my friends over to visit, and they also provide very good examples of behavior, respect, responsibility, and etc. One major problem I have encountered with many parents even ones that are not my friends' parents is judgment. Too many people judge other people by their appearance and don't talk to the person or attempt to get to know them before making a judgment about the person. Many of my problems I have with parents, adults, authority figures, and other people is that they judge me on my appearance. I so happen to like to wear black clothing and other dark colored clothes but I am not "goth", I just like these colors and how they look on me. Also I so happen to have multiple piercings. I have 3 lip rings, 2 eyebrow rings, 2 tongue rings, and both ears pierced twice with rather large "gauges" (open fistulas/holes that you can see through usually [this is for some people that may not be familiar with them, or know what I'm talking about and wonder what they are]). But with many parents or adults in general they "jump the gun" and judge me without getting to know me first. Many of them say numerous crazy things ranging from "I don't like the way he dresses, and what's with all those piercings? He must be a devil worshiper or something," and sometimes other things like "He must be a bad kid and probably a druggie because of how he looks and all those piercings." The funniest thing to me about comments like these are that I've never done a drug in my life and I've never even smoked, drank, or done anything like that and I am actually a Christian and the people at my church love that someone like me goes to their church because it shows other kids outside of church who see me go there that they shouldn't be ashamed of who they are and shouldn't be ashamed of their faith/belief and also I so happen to actually be a A-B average student in school. So for people that like to judge and "jump the gun" on making comments and think that all kids that may have piercings, wear dark clothes, or just don't look/seem "normal" to you doesn't mean they're devil worshipers, bad kids, or any of the other crazy ideas that you have running around in your head. They say you can learn a lot about a person within the first few moments you speak with them. So next time give your kid's new friend a chance and actually get to know them before you judge them and tell you kid they can't or aren't allowed to be around their new friend.

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely, Nick and Your child's next friend that you judge without getting to know them

it has always bothered me to see white parents kick their kids out onto the streets when they turn 18. i am first generation american my family is a very traditionally rich mexican family, and my culture doesnt allow this to happen, we simply do not kick our kids out at 18! its sad and a shame really that white people do this, just because the law states that you are no longer responsible for them once 18 doesnt mean that you stop being their parent!

For one thing, where did you get the idea that this is true of all white people, or even the majority.

i have read alot of the comments here and all the parents sound like they know how theyre going to raise them and everything it seems like you have it all figured out, but what will you do when your kid reaches the age of 18?!?!??!?!?!
are you going to kick them out onto the cold streets and let them figure it out on their own? what about a job?? at what age are you going to let your kid get a job and if you do how many hours are you willing to let them work so they can also have time for their school work and such???

Who, exactly, is going to kick their child out of the house because they have turned 18?

As for jobs, like any family where ever they are or come from, it depends on the family. Both of my son's worked from 14 on up. When I grew up, none of family worked until they were out of High School.

This really is not a good way to come on here, with accusations instead of asking how our various family's handle things.

TLS, you are a good mom. Every parent should read your post.

Thank you. I hope that I have been. My younger son is now 27 and my older would have been 29 (he died 3 years ago in an auto accident).

One of the more memorable lines from a discussion with my older son, when he was 16 and had come back from camping with some friends, was "What do you mean the tree hit the truck? Tree's are stationary." His response was "That's what Dad said." He never did quite explain how the back seat of the truck burned up. Or how he "accidentally" stepped in the pot of hot water on the campfire (he was wearing leather, mid calf boots, thank heavens!)He did say something about another group of campers, "but we didn't do anything. Really, Mom" He was grounded for quite a while after that.

TLS -
Thank you for your post about "some ideas from a mom". It is perfect for my life
right now with our 14 year old. He says I ask too many questions. You said exactly
what I want to say to him but couldn't find the right words. I have copied your
post and emailed it to him. Maybe we will be able to talk about it.

I hope what I wrote will help. My boys complained but they got over it. I don't think that my rules were really out of line. And when they weren't arguing for more space, they agreed with them.

After my posts, and discovering what a wonderful site this is, I decided to join. lol So I have a different name now.

If you need to talk to your parents about how they deal with you, don't make a general statement (for instance "you're too strict"). Make it specific, and make it be about you, not them. For instance, instead of saying "you never let me do anything!", say "I want to do such and such". If you say it the first way, they will be on the defensive. I know it's not always easy, but plan out what you want to say to them. While you are doing that, think about all the possible reactions that you might get from them. Then think about how you will answer those reactions. Thinking about this ahead of time really does work.It helps you to plan how you are going to speak to them (which is important) and it helps for you to think ahead about their reactions. Most people (children and adults) never think about what they are going to say after they have presented their argument and they get tripped up on follow up questions that they hadn't thought about.

Choose a time other than when they walk in the door from work, Or just before they leave for work. If you need to, ask your parent(s) for some time so that you can talk to them. Having the time to sit down and listen is important.

Make what you say be about you, not them. If you talk about them ("you said", "you don't", etc.) they will be on the defensive. If you want something from anyone don't put them on the defensive (this works for job situations, too, btw). Use "I" and "me" when speaking.

Let them talk, ask questions, give feedback to you. Parenting can be really tough. I explained this once to my younger son (It was always my younger son lol) - Since he first came home after he was born I have been listening for him, and to him. When you have a baby, you are worried about it choking, about it falling, about anything that can hurt that child or kill it. And these fears are real and well founded, because you are at risk. As you get older, I have to let the invisible apron strings out a little, but not too much. Those invisible apron strings get let out more and more as you get older and I can see that you are handling things ok. If you are not, those strings will get pulled in a little until I think that you can handle them being let out some more. As parents we do this until you are an adult.It is really hard to know when to let those strings out. Also, as a parent, I cannot simply let those apron strings go all the way. Each child is different, so they cannot always be treated the same way. Presenting thought out arguments shows me that you're mature enough to have thought things out. But it's still hard to let those strings out because, as a parent, we are still worried about you anytime you are out of our sight. That, I've discovered, never really goes away.

So what you need to do is, using a well thought out argument, show your parents that you are ready for the apron strings to be let out a little. It is unrealistic to expect your parents to let them out a lot at one time. So, choose which things matter the most to you. And choose only one part of what you want changed.

I sympathize with you, but I would like to correct a miss-impression - this behavior is not limited to race or sex. This kind of behavior runs through the complete spectrum.

The sad fact is that some people are just too lazy to do for themselves, even when it would help them.

TLS -
Thank you for your post about "some ideas from a mom". It is perfect for my life
right now with our 14 year old. He says I ask too many questions. You said exactly
what I want to say to him but couldn't find the right words. I have copied your
post and emailed it to him. Maybe we will be able to talk about it.

Thank you!

After a parent has been asked the same question repeatedly when the answer had already been explained to them time after time after time, we parents do resort to "Because I said so". We kind of cringe internally after we say it (we hated it as children, too) but, really, how many times do you need to give the same answer to the same question?

TLS, you are a good mom. Every parent should read your post.

I write music and perform it. People who like or hate it send me mail. Then there's the people who hang around, hoping to meet after a gig. It's all fine. But I have noticed a common theme among many of the teenagers and young adult fans. They either never mention their parents, which probably means everything is fine, or they tell me that they listen to my music because it is an escape from an unhappy family life. What I hear from them is that they have difficulty communicating with their parents. They don't come out and tell me this. Instead, they say things like their parents are controlling, overprotective, get angry all the time, critical - or the worst: don't care, don't love me, etc. These young people are angry, frustrated, and hurting deep inside. It is clear that they have reached the age where they need to sit down and have a serious talk with their parents. Parents, you need to hush up and let your offspring speak. Parents, be quiet, don't react, don't interrupt. Just listen. Let everything pour out. When the speech is over, don't react. Ask a few questions to make sure you've heard everything. Then you say, "I'm glad we had this talk. You've told me so much I have overlooked or misunderstood. Let me think about this and we will talk some more this evening." If you don't have time the same day, then set a DAY AND TIME to resume and don't wait more than 24 hours. Then, parents, you think about what your kid said, you put yourself in your kid's shoes, and if you STILL don't get it, then ask your kid more questions. After you have had time to reflect, then you pick TWO concerns of your kid and you make concessions. This is a BEGINNING. And you continue to work through your kid's gripes until you reach some common ground. If you can not do this without reacting, getting angry, or interrupting, and if you don't know how to be sensitive and see a situation from another person's point of view, then you need FAMILY COUNSELING. Your kid is listening to my music and telling ME what he/she should be telling YOU! Why do all the kids talk to me? Because they know I care about them, I won't get angry, I won't judge them, and I won't make them feel embarrassed, stupid, frustrated, or belittled. Parents, you might not write music, but I know you have the ability to LISTEN. Mostly, that's what kids what. Someone who will listen and try to understand their FEELINGS. That's step one, parents. If I can do it, then so can you.

To me, black mothers are insane. My parents divorced when i was six, and at the same my baby brother was born. My pops was always cool, and he still is though. but i never get to see him. He lives in carson and I live up in Fullerton. My mother got custody of us (me and my brother) and it sucks. Now that i'm 15, she treats me like a freakin' packmule. All i am to her is some to 'fetch' her a Snickers or a starbucks. Someone to clean up the entire house. And then, whenever i get extra time to go see my pops (like after b-ball games) she gets all b*tchy about and says "THIS IS MY HOUSE AND I RUN THE SHOW"! And in my mind, im all like "IF YOU RUN THE SHOW THEN DO YOUR OWN FREAKIN LAUNDRY, YOUR OWN FREAKING DISHES, AND RUIN YOUR OWN SOCIAL LIFE"! i cant even have a life. For the past 9 years, i've moved like 6 times. Away from all my friends, my girlfriend, and i can't do nothin' about it since she's 40 and im 15. She expects me to make a life for myself, but how can i? If anyone can answer me that, i will give every last penny in my college fund. HOW CAN I BE EXPECTED TO MAKE A LIFE, WHEN I HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT GETTING MOVED EVERY FREAKIN' YEAR?!?!? My last girlfriend, she didn't find out i moved till after i did. Why? Because, my phone was in the shop, and my mother didn't tell me until 3 days before. And my mother didn't even like my girlfriend, because my girl wasn't black or 'full-black'. She was half-black and half-Dominican. My mother expects me to get an all-black girl. But why would i date an all-balv=ck girl and marry ony, if a lived with one for 15 years and my life's become a living hell? So, i'm just sayin' Please someone answer my question.

I've read most of the messages on here about this article. I agree, some of you have some living conditions that you need to get away from. Desperately need to get away from. You might want to talk to you school counselor. They have a lot of ideas and they truly haven't heard anything new. Telling them you problems is not going to make them dislike you or think that you're crazy. I know, because my counselor in school helped me a lot when I was in school.

I can't ever remember reading my child's diary or listening in on their phone conversation. Unless they were showing signs that something was very wrong (suddenly getting bad grades, sleeping all the time, in your room all the time, etc) I can't imagine doing that.

What I did do was-
1. Make sure that I knew my son's friends and that I had at least contact with their parents.
2. Before my son's were allowed to go to a friends house, I needed to know where they lived, what their phone number was and to talk to a parent to make sure that either an adult was going to be there, or that they at least knew my child was going to be in their house. I also insisted that they call me once they got to where ever they were going, to let me know they got there alright.

BTW, I had a lot of arguments with my sons about this. We all got through it, though. They kept asking "Don't you trust me?" Yes, I did trust them. It was other people I didn't trust. It is very, very easy for a child or teenager to simply disappear between their house (or school) and where ever they are going. It is entirely too easy. If your parents know where you were going and about how long it will take for you to get there, they will know that something is wrong if you don't check in in a timely manner. A lot of times, that is why tragedies happen. The parents didn't know when to start being concerned because they didn't know where their child was going or with who.

3. I let my son's know that what they were feeling (about me, school, whatever) was what they were feeling. I didn't have the right to tell my children how they felt. I had a father who did that and I hated it! He'd say "that doesn't hurt" or "that's not scary" even "it tastes good, eat it anyway".

4. I always tried to let my children know, when I was upset with them, that it was because of what they did, not who they are. I can't remember ever telling my children that they were bad. What they did was bad, or wrong. but not them personally.

5. I also tried to let my children know that they could tell me anything. I, also, let them know that while I might get upset (depending what is was) I would listen and try not to judge (that's the really hard part).

6. If my sons wanted to do something, get something, not do something, they had the right to tell it, and why they felt that way. If they wanted something, I would think about it. If they insisted on an answer right then, then the answer was "No". And that was the end of any discussion about it.

7. When I said something was a safety rule, it could not be argued with. I made sure, though, that is really was a matter of safety.

8. Everybody has bad days. Adults and children. I used to tell my sons "I'm having a I hate children day, so could you go play quietly until I feel better?" It worked. My younger son surprised me one day, though. I had asked him something (I don't remember what) and he looked at me in exasperation and said "Mom, I'm having an I hate parents day. Could you back off a little?" It surprised me, but I did it.

Some advice, If your parents do not let you go anywhere or do anything, ask them if it would help if they met your friends (not all of them at once, though!).

Write down what it is you want to do, and the people you want to do it with. Let them know the names of the people and their phone numbers, so that your parents can make sure that this outing is approved by them. This is important! Explain that you know they are worried about safety and explain that this would relieve both of your minds. Give your argument for why you should be allowed to do this and then leave them alone to think about it. Make sure you ask days in advance. That will give them time to check with the other parents and for them to talk to each other. Do not push for an answer!

Your parents have to able to trust you, so do what you say you are going to do. Don't sneak out and do something else. Doing that will guarantee that you will not be allowed to go on any more outings.

reading some of these 10-15 year old kids comment is seriously irritating. Alright KIDS, do we all need to go back to kindergarten and learn how to respect our parents? I agree, parents are hypocrites, all they can do is criticize and see all your bad points, but really, you can't hate them. Be grateful you have a roof over your heads. Better yet, be grateful you're not starving yourself because you can't pay your tuition, apartment, or your stupid college textbooks for that matter. I'm a college girl who's on the verge of selling my car, let me emphasize, MY CAR, My only source of transportation, just to make ends meet. What sucks more is that I live in california and my parents live in texas. Quite frankly, I left my parents on bad terms and haven't talked to them for nearly two years. I was doing good for about a year until recession hit, then I eventually lost my job AND income.
I tell you kids now, love your parents no matter what. They really are giving you everything they got, literally. I have Asian parents, and I really think they are MUCH more harsh compared to white american parents. I went through hell as a child, my parents consistently told me that i was considerably more stupid than my older sister, they will tell their kids that they are FAT or they need to get surgery and fix that terrible nose. As for discipline, lets say that physical Asian discipline is equivalent to white american's view on child abuse... yeah, it hurts. I still say I love my parents, I really do despite our lost connection.

Divorce is the worst thing that has after happened to our society. Commonly, Mom or Dad cheats. Then they divorce. Mom is demonized by Dad and Dad is demonized by Mom. Kids don't know what to do because they're young and don't want to dissapoint either parent by picking favorites. So they turn to friends. Friends are a safe haven, usually for all, but some it's books. Kids rebel; Mom remarries or is single but is working all the time and never sees her children. Maybe she'll get a boyfriend. dad too. Step parents are just mere fillers for the void left by the other parent. Can you imagine two dads and two moms, each of which has their own standards for you? Kids need the love of their biological parents.
Children also feel seperated. I live in Kentucky and the divorce rate here is terrible. (Yes, we wear shoes; no, I have no horses, and I don't drink bourbon or smoke.) I know kids who have different last names than their parents. I have a teacher who had a baby in the middle of the year, left, and only took seven or eight weeks off to take care of her baby. Then, Plop! into daycare six hours a day with you, little baby who needs her parents' love and support. But no, you'll never get it!! THAT'S A BABY!
La mere faux (fake mom) is a big problem, too. I once called a mom Mrs. She said to me, ' "No, call me kristi." ' I said that I was only trying to show respect. Basically, she told me, ' "Whatev." '

What a silly, one-size-fits-all attempt at parenting advice.

ever had asian parents?? i have them and trust me, i love them, but there are times i wish they would just leave me alone with the whole grade business and life thing. girls cant do this, girls cant do that. be more like your cousin. she got straight a's. get into tj or else!! i did not spend all that money for you to be stupid. i love them soo much, and i would never say i hate them, but they can get on my nerves a lot.
i have an eerie feeling that since they're asian, and grew up in asia, their family way of disciplining the children are very different than in america. very differnt

i feel as if im stuck in four walls. when i ask my parents if i could go someplace (malll, movies, mcdonalds) they always say no. why? because they dont know my friends!!! i mean i dont have bad friends, they are for me the best friends i have every chosen. & now that im almost 15 i havent been to the movies. my friends dont even ask me anymore to go someplace with them because they know i'll come back to them and say i cant. now thats embarrasing! for me bacause i wanted to see Twilight & New Moon but when i asked them they said absolutely not! & now when my friends ask me to go somewhere i just dont ask my parents anymore & just say im sorry i cant go.
MY LIFE! UGH!

Im 17 years old. And have no social life. I haven't had one since I was a little kid. My dad made some bad choices with drugs and gambling and what not. So I don’t see of talk to him by law I can’t until im 18. And my mom did remarry and she married this great guy he loved me and my older brother like we where is own kids. Which is hard to find in people. Sadly he died at a very young age 14 years ago and my mom hasn’t been the same since. We would let me go over to my friend’s house all the time and they could come over all the time. Granted they all lived on the same street as me. But now I can’t have certain types of friends like for example the "bad" kids. I hade this one friend for a very short period on time and he wasn’t the best person in the world but he certainly wasn’t the worst. All I tried to do was be a friend to him, and then he told about some of the things he did back home and that he still does drugs now. And he told be he wants to stop because he has almost died twice and I tried to help him I found a rehab place for him. And he was all ready to go. When I told my mom she said that I need to stop talking to him ECT. Which she should have known wasn’t going to happen. And so she even did a back ground check on him, his mom, his step dad and his dad. which was totally out of line for her to do that just because she know the right people doesn’t give her the right to do that to anyone. Anyway back on track she moved me to Arizona just because she doesn’t trust that I’ll obey her and not talk to lets call him Brad. Im a pretty good kid. I’ve only messed up once by trying to help my friend Brad. So im stuck in the town that takes least than 15 minutes to drive from end to end with traffic. And she treats me like crap. She puts my brother on a pedestal. When he has four kids with 2 different people. And he walked out on his kids and his wife endless times and has kicked them out and they had to come live with us. But now he has changed his life he found God and his good husband and father. But my mom whistle for me like im a dog she calls me the dog’s name. Half of the time. She takes her problems out on me for work and other people. I love my mom and always will. I respect her she has given up a lot for me and my brother, but I do not like her, I don’t talk to her about anything personal. I try and have her help me with my school work and she gets mad and says it’s an alternative learning program its easy. When its not you teach yourself everything. How is that easy? I don’t think I will have a relationship with her when im 18 and out of the house. She wont know anything unless its includes my health and safety. Unless she changes she is to judgmental and over controlling. So parents I say be involved in your children’s life but don’t over do it. Let them go out with their friend but have them check in with you and have them tell you if there plans change. I hate hiding things from my mom I feel horrible but I feel like I have to. I just don’t want to hear the horrible names she'll call me if she doesn’t like something. That’s what I have to say. Give your child guidelines and curfews and meet there friends first before you judge them. If my mom would have done that I would have talked to her about everything instead of one my friend’s moms.

My parents they're cool with a lot of things, but the TRUST is the main thing that kills kids now a days; well from my perspective. My parents ALL the time constantly think that since i'm locked up in my room, basically doing homework, chatting, or listening to music, they think that i'm going into all these porn sites. I've told them that i'm doing homework, but they pull out an OLD grade report and say that i'm fucking up in my classes. I show them that it's an old one and they quickly change the subject. I have no clue what the 20th century parents think but their way of thinking should not be in the olden days, it should be in this and NOW generation. The generation WE are growing up in. If my parents can't trust me when i'm telling them the truth, might as well lie right?, well it's not that simple, if I lie they don't believe me, if i say the truth they don't believe me so what am I left with?The one's that really get to my dad is number 2 and 6 number 2 because he ALWAYS says that I don't know how to make good friends, that all my friends are gangbangers and mess up in school, yet his friends are the one's that always smoke weed and fuck up in LIFE not school but life. 6 because he starts saying that my way isn't the right way, but only HIS way will work out for me, HIS way has cost me 2 job interviews because of the way he told me to be, the boss thought that I was lying so they told me that I should be expecting a call. So i'm thinking that it's his fault, but he doesn't want to admit he was wrong so he starts going off on any little thing, that it was because I wear skinny jeans, because of my hair, the way I talk, even the way I eat?!?!?! I for one don't think that the way you eat should be the way you get judged on either getting a job. Like right now my dad is taking off my room door because he doesn't trust me with my laptop in my room, so ALL KIDS live it up now because sooner or later they're going to kick you out over stupid shit and you have to have a backup plan.

One thing that I hated was my mom saying "You think you know everything, but you don't. You're just a kid, you don't know anything."
That is the most hurtful thing my mom has ever said to me. When I was little and asked why I wasn't allowed to do something, it was always "because I said so."
She always thought she was right and could control me. She found out the hard way that sometimes the kid does know what is best. The day I turned 18 I moved out because she did not agree with me getting married. Six months later I got married, started college and kept my part time job.
Now I'm 20 and I'm doing just fine. My marriage is great, I'm still in school and I still have a job. Parents don't always know the answer. They need to trust their kids.

All in all, parents really just need to let their kids develop their own identity and let them express themselves. Obviously they need to have some limitations, but too many can affect the kid in a negative way (even if the parent is trying to do the right thing and protect them). Parents, just think back to when you were a kid. What would you have wanted your parents to treat you?

PS: Kids, if you think your parents could make some improvements in the way they treat you, talk to them. If you don't let them know how you feel, how can you possibly expect them to change?

Have a nice day!

I agree with some of thease teenagers, but alot of them need to really appreciate what they have.. I never knew my real father he left my mother when I was born. My mother remarried when I was 5. My life was alright up until then. My father abused me every day until I was 16. I would go to school with welts on my back, bruises on my neck and nail marks on my ears. Even though I went to public school, I wasnt allowed to call up friends let alone have them over. Of course its not like I minded. We lived in a shithole. I looked forward to going to school even though I was an outcast because there my father couldnt hurt me. growing up I always wanted to just go out into the front yard or go to the park and meet a friend. I wanted friend soo badly. My father finnally let me out of the house when I was 15. He worked at an animal shelter and he would have me come and help clean out the animals cages. There I met juviniels there to do community service. They told me that I should runaway. Well I ran away and followed the delinquints around. I started doing drugs and being permiscuous. I was put in juvinial hall as well as many other facilities. I was overly medicated and depressed. When I turned 18 I met my fiance and we moved in together. I am now almost 22 with a beautiful daughter and a fiance that is a great father and soon to be lawyer. Im thankful everyday that Im finnally out of that nightmare. I am still working on going to collage, hopfully attending this year.. But I guess the point im trying to get across is that you cant lock up your kids. I have mental problems now because of my stepfather and the sad part is I still dont have any friends and I get anxiety attacks when im around too many people... But also you shouldnt let your kids do whatever they want either. They just become spoiled brats and think everything is handed to them. If anything be stern with them. Check out there myspace, cell phone, ect. And unless there 17 they really shouldnt be dating. AT ALL.. Possitive feedback is welcome

im ten years old and me names marissa and this ia my life i feel as if my mom thinks im a pupet and im SICK of it she hovers and does the rong things just like my dad between them idk which is better they do the same things and say they dont i just feel like running away because they are freggin stupid but gosh my god mother (cousin) is better then them shes more independint then my mom could ever be or my dad he livs of my other cousin joey its like a family crisis my other sisters ran off cuz of te way they act i have a 21 year old autistic brother and i basicly halfto take care of him and my whole familly now is taking sides and my closest friend is saying she nos how i feel but no one does except my god mother beacuse im basicly reapeting her child hood but she was put in a foster home and i dont no how to cope with damage tht they do to my heart they drink and smoke which im tottaly against and they dont go to church or do anything godlike and they say there christian well for 1 i no ther r not and ther fake and fonies and i dont love them but i do its confusing ive thought of running awway numbers of times she acts like me and my sibblings dont exsist and im mad everyday i cry beacuse of them!

i wish you knew tht you cnt protect yr kids frm evrything all the time! we knw you love us; & we love you too but WE NEED A LIIIFFEEE. at least keep us on a short leash & monitor us, bcs if you completely say no or refuse to something we'll mooossstttt likely rebel. & as for boyfriends & stuufff, let us have them so you can help us w/ our prblms so we dnt get hurt in the future. boy, i sure hope tht my mom reads this./:

I can say that my parents (at least my mom) try give me the space I need while being a parent. However, sometimes they get on my LAST NERVE. They don't trust me because my younger sister gets into trouble (and I mean BIG trouble, like going to jail trouble). I'm 17 and have never ever EVER done anything to give them the notion that I will do something bad. At all. I'm anti-drugs and anti-smoking and hate kids who whine and complain about them not getting this and that on phones or computers their parents buy them, and yet I'm the bad guy 'cause I'm the oldest child. And one of my friends has a baby and they know I'm not sexually active. I know the consequences. I'm practically an adult and yet they treat me like a 5 year old. My mom criticizes me because I don't have as many friends as my sister. Get off my back please! Just because I'm not a damn social butterfly doesn't mean I'm freaking weird. She always makes me feel like something is wrong with me. And don't even get me started on my step-dad. He's controlling and selfish and everything is his way or the highway. He's the parent that says "because I said so" and it pisses me off when he says he should be respected. He's never shown me any respect, why should I respect him? He never does what he preaches. He's a control freak and has even told me that my curfew of 10:30 would be longer if I were a boy, but since I'm a girl I'm obviously up to no good. What kind of shit thinking is that? He's the reason I'm such a big feminist. He always insults women and he and my mom are ALWAYS fighting. Parents need to seriously lay off sometimes and let there kids breathe. Don't tell them to respect you when you have not even an ounce of respect for your kids or their business. Practice what you preach please, or else you look like stupid hypocrites who are full of themselves and think their way is the only right way. And please, don't insult your kids just because they don't do something YOU think would be good for them. Lay off.

PS Parents, kids don't give a rat's ass about spelling on the internet. This isn't some documented essay for Christ's sake. I don't spell flawlessly on the internet. I use acronyms like wtf and use "u" instead of "you." That doesn't mean I'm an idiot who can't take care of herself and needs a bib when I eat. In fact, I'm in AP Language (for those who don't know AP stands for Advanced Placement, which are college level classes in High School) and I do VERY VERY well in that class. SO please, don't sound arrogant and preachy about our spelling. It makes us annoyed with you further. And also for parents who say listen and shut your mouths. Just stop. It's not a legitimate argument, it just makes you seem like pld school control freaks. Kids have opinions on your parenting skills, deal with it. Kthanx.

well im a college student and after reading some of these insane comments i just wanted to say "SUCK IT UP". damn you little kids ages 13-17 do not know how life is when you get into college and move out. your out there on your own, no roof or anything. be good and nice thats all i say. and to the parents just stop being so damn over-protective its not like your child will die the second he/she leaves the street. ease up and especially those ARMY dads, yes you guys, stop saying your daughter is your little baby girl or anything what are you a man or a sissy.

now that everyone gets it stop spilling your life's guts on this forum go out do something study or play. stop being like an American idiot.

I say we need more teenagers like jaycarl (author of A Special Dad) and Georgina (author of Well. My Dad Rocks.) in this world. Seriously.

alright well my parents arent together...and i love my dad to death hes my whole world. i love his parenting he doesnt check my fone or read diaries or check my aim conversations bc he says thats my business not his.....i telll my dad everything and anything but if i wanna say...dad its jst school its nothing i dnt wanna tlk about it he understands. when it comes to cursing, long as i dnt do it in front of him hes cool with it. when it comes to friends hes rly leniant. makeup and stuff hes cool bout as well. he allows me to express myself n where wat i wanna wear n is cool with my boyfriend. my mom is cool wit makeup but sumtimes with my style she makes fun of what im wearing i guess or says ur rly goin out lke that...its like wat i wear is wierd to her...she comments hw i do my makeup as well. she hates drivin me drivin is always an issue with her. and she only cares about herself and constanly goes out at thirty when she shud pay more attention to her kids she stalked her ex who is lke twenty four on facebook n tells me info as if im her friend. she thinks we are so close n we rly arents bc she gives me all the rong info and then wen i dnt wanna tell her sumthing she feels lke im hiding sumthin wen im not. and then lke she always asks hw far ive gone with a boy wen i respect myself and SEX ISNT WATS ON MY MIND!! n shes lke u say ur gona wait til marriage wen tht wont happen n even if it wnt sex is WAYY OFF MY MIND!! its lke she cnt trsut me bc she doesnt trust ne one bc she doesnt trust herself...then she wonders y i dnt tell her stuff...i hate she thinks were so close wen we arent....and i hate hw she treats my sisters lke shit. she doesnt understand me n i cnt keep a diary she looks at my aim convos n my fone n checks records....she embarsses me wit friends too. she played so many headgames with my dad n with me tht i hate her n have anger towards her bc my dad n i are so close n hes my hero...like pullin a pfa against him wen he nvr layed a hand on me it was her who slapped me last thnksgivin, n my dad took care of everything..but she plays childish games n i feel im expected to b the biggest person n b a mom to my sisters vs a sister n then im bailin her out....not bc i want to bc i feel i have to b there for my sisters n giv them love wen its her job....she always gets bailed out bc everyone feels bad even her bro n her parents no how she is n is tired of her shes effed up in the head is wat i think...constanly bein in relationships...first my dad then matt then jason who she had my siters with then they divorced then colin who is six yrs younger t han her n in his goin out stage n expected him to b ready to start a family then ej n now this guy keith im tired of so many dudes bein brought home she cnt keep ne one bc of hw she is but she says its nvr her fault bc shes nvr at fault she always changeds the story they all see hw she is so they leave but she thinks its them n nvr here shes indenial and is immature....she had sex with probably four guys out of those six. she thinks havin sex is to show love...i guess idkk who knows....but yea thats my lifee...ps...wen she goes out she dresses lke a whore bc she wanted attention...obviously for the rong reasons

also what some of us have to realize is that there only protecting us,not harming us.we'll all be thanking our parents one day.

what about when you bring your first girlfriend or boyfriend home,and your parents are constantly watching you like a dog.give your kid privacy.let them go and grow up.its bound to happen sometime

Of course as a teenager, your mind is still expanding, flourishing, and maturing.
And we all know that as a teenager they want to experience some freedom and try to make choices for themselves. (of course there should be limitations to both these things.)
but parents can't say they completely know and understand their kid's every situation in life and neither can the teenager say their parents dont understand them AT ALL. Yes, yes...Every parent WAS a teenager at one point but you also can't say you remember eveything as a teenager, because through the years you eventually DO forget what it was like to be a teenager and how difficult it was, so consider overthinking that....
Teens, learn to GET your parent's trust...be respectful, learn to repond APPRORIATELY...and consider this: they give you a roof over your head, they feed you, and buy you the things you need. BE GRATEFUL.
A lot of these comments[not all] are not necessary put to complete thought in my opinion..from both sides; parent and teens. Parents show a good example to your teen. And BE PATIENT, remember their still growing, you cant expect them to know everything..and they will strongly appreciate it if your a good role model, regardless of where you are or who you are with. (P.S: talk to your kids, talk to them about mistakes you've made in the past....YOUR NOT PERFECT EITHER!)
I'm also a teen as a matter of fact....15 years old. And you see, I'm not saying I could lose my virginity, I can go out when I want, or parents are mean and they dont know how it feels like, or waaahhh i cant hang out with my friends THEY SUCK blah blah blah......Look not all teen think like that either, please dont underestimate a whole group and say they are the same.
and yes, I must admitt, my relationship at home isen't entirely good either... I'm quite observant though so I learned from my older siblings mistakes and my friends mistakes and even my parents. Even though I sometimes feel not listened to or UNDERESTIMATED ... Instead of saying anything bad or negative about my parents, I'm just going to say this: I'm fortuante that I HAVE parents, and that they give me a roof over my head. YOU WOULD'NT NOT BE ALIVE IF IT WASENT FOR THEM. So thank you.

Also, when it comes to school and grades and such, that is because naturally parents push their kids harder so they will get in college and have a better life then they did. Have a heart, and think without feeling or just with love and sympathy the way they do for you. Ask them what they think about college and grades, and they will tell you it is way more important then being cool and that without a high school diploma you cant get many jobs, and with a college degree you can get even better jobs and be paid more yet work less.

And while freedoms I think are gimmes because you ARE a human, you have to work for stuff of course. Not for phone access, but for wants like a new game, not for wants but almost needs () like YOUR phone. It is actually very sad for me to imagine and read about parents that dont understand their kids and/or limit them because they dont want their kid to get hurt, but guess what! Either they get a scratch now or a gash later. Let them get an F or lose a job. That of course is an extreme example but I couldn't think of a better one.

I hope this helps some, and do you think I should become a counselor?
Supa

My mom is really sweet and i can turn to her for pretty much anything! although when it comes to my dad its a whole other story. I cant even talk to him with out him freaking out. I know that i can handly having friends but he just dosnt seem to get that im growing up and i need my own space, i cant even talk to boys with out him freaking out!! So there are a couple of things i do behind hes back! Is that how its suppose to be?

I can't agree with parents snooping just to snoop (if the child is in danger, by all means!) I understand parents wanting to their kids to gell them everything, and there is a way to do that without being invasive. Talk to your kids from the time they are young (elementary school) about their day. Listen to what they tell you and be open to giving them suggestions and help when they need it. Don't fly off the handle at the little things. It is hard as parents to know when to step in and when to sit back,finding that balance is what will build trust between you and your child. Talking will help your child know that if they have a problem, they can come to you. This will help your child feel able to talk to you as they grow up. I don't have kids of my own, so how can I know right? I am aware that parenting is the hardest job out there. All I can say is I was a good kid and got A's/B's in school, stayed out of trouble and gave my parents no reason to not tust me. However my stepdad was always in my buisness. Reading my emails, and going through my stuff. He never found anything, and to this day, still doesn't trust me. I'm 26! graduated college, and have a good job. It has caused a huge rift in our relationship and I have talked to him maybe twice in the last year. I may not be a parent, but I was a kid once and learned from example what NOT to do.

I have great parents. Honestly. I wish everyone could have parents like mine, well not everyone but most of them. I am 13, and am allowed to do anything legal I want, its my body, my money, and so on. I am in a better situation than I thought, except I hate where we live and have almost no friends. I have a friend I talk to often and a few online friends I play games with.

So basically, it sounds like most of you people need to try to talk to your parents about the way you feel, and they will understand if you tell them this is a big deal. Dont tell them how to parent, just tell them that you feel you dont have freedom to simply live right, or that you dont have friends because you make them feel uncomfortable when (you can say literally) you breath down their neck, or you say you want me to have friends yet you dont let me go anywhere, and so on. If they are "real" parents they will listen and consider, and if you turn the tables and lecture THEM they will listen and many will understand. Also, while talking to them repeat many things (not mockingly) they say that are mean and ask them how they would feel if they were in your shoes. Im sure you guys have tried this, but just saying this is what I would do.

And to the lady or man that said spelling incorrectly is ""lazy" is incorrect and it sounds you dont know a lot about what grammatical errors are from. Either it's an accident, or it's a style of writing and is a fast way to type type type quickly. "lol" is not a person being lazy, and if you think it is then so is "don't" versus "do not". It speeds up the painful at times process of telling people what you are trying to convey. It is not laziness, it is just informal because I am not writing to the Head of Schooolll...

When you talk to friends do you talk with perfect grammar, or do you occasionally say me and my friend instead of my friend and I? If you dont...I dont know what to say.

Supa

pie! star wars and pie. watch star wars eat pie

Seriously, some of you pre-teens, teens, and even young adults still living at home need to realize that your parents are just trying to look out for your best interest. When we are born we are not born with owners manuals. A lot of them are learning how to be parents to teenagers just as you're learning to be a teenager. give them a break. Times have changed a lot from when they were teen to now. maybe they have experienced something they are scared you're going to experience(drugs, sex, etc.) if you want your "freedom" or if you want to gain their trust the best way to do so is to sit down and talk to them. Let them know you're not a stupid kid. Tell them what you have learned about sex drugs and if you're a good kid your parents may listen and give you a break. Keeping it hush hush wont get you your freedom. I mean I would understand if you're a trouble maker why they would be protective or even if you have an older sibling that screwed it up for you... let them know you're not your sibling and you are capable of making better decisions.

Aleks P

well i read the article and a few of some of u guys comments, i was gonna read them all becuz it got interestin but i felt a lil sry 4 most of the kids that hav such difficulties. im 15years old by tha way a freshman, im not sayin im a perfect person but my life seems ok. i dont go through wat yall go through, but i get on punishment lik a teenager wuld (i wuldnt say i act much lik one more of a lil kid) get a lot of homework, hav chores, tryin to keep up my grades A or B so i wont get fust at or on punishment. tha only thing my mom has to do to get me on punishmnent is tak electronics away from me, my whole world crashes down on me!!! my mom says i hav an addiction to tha computer i think i do mayb, but who cares im me! a weird addicted to electronics/anime/manga/video games punk kid an i rulz! XD

I'm a teenage girl, a sophmore in high school. I'm the youngest and the only girl so, when I was little I was spoiled but, now that I'm a teen I feel as though my parents are overprotective. I am trying so hard to become more independent. It's not like I'm a bad kid or anything either. I've gotten A's and B's since I was little, I have like a 4.0, and I'm the "good one" out of my group of friends. But the fact that i can't have a boyfriend (and they've never even talked to me about sex) or go to my friend's house whenever I want is really frustrating. I feel like a prisoner bcuz I'm always stuck in the house studying and now my grades are starting to go down this year bcuz I feel my classes are too hard. And even though I love my parents and we don't have a bad relationship or anything, I just don't feel like I can come to them with real problems. I don't have a close bond with my parents like my friends do and i really want that. So, don't think that being a strict parent is the right thing to do all the time bcuz there is such a thing as being TOO strict. Its a lucky thing that I'm not one of those kids who would rebel in a situation like this by having sex, getting pregnant, doing drugs, drinking, etc...... Fix the problem now bcuz when ur children bcome teens it will probably be too late.....

If you are the oldest it could be that your parents were simply stricter with you and harder on you because they didn’t have their footing yet. My brother got the hard end of the stick too. My mom was super strict with him because he was her first child, and she was very careful about things with him because she wasn’t sure about what to expect. But by the time I was born she was surer about her parenting skills, and knew more of what to expect so she was much more relaxed with me.

Hello my name is brittany,I am 15 years of age.My mom is very strict.I have an older sister but she can be an ass

hole.
My mom lets her boyfriend move in but he is trying to get a job and he is also in college.My grade are average I do good in school.

I just dont understand why she doesnt trust me,my 8th grade year she wouldnt alloiw me to even go over my best friend nadia house or let her come over.
So I would sneak out and see her.

I didnt get caught.My mom is over dramatic she bitchez about little shit as if im like one of dem[quote bad girls partys girls out of control type of chick]but im not.All that I ask for is she let me be a little bit more socail with my life.SHE
ALWAYS THINK SEX IS ON MY MIND.But i respect my self and also have more values also better THING TO DO THEN HAVE SEX.
I have a boyfriend,we haven been together since 8-10-09.I love him.But yet mom doesnt let me see him i only see him once a month.It's hard to have a good relationship if I cant spend time with him..Oh yea he is 16 about to be 17 in febraury also we havent had sex yet.He said he will wait for me and he has.Mom wont even let me walk around the neighborhood.But the thing is we live in a very good neighborhood.Mom always ask why I dont talk to her much and keep to myself the reason is I have nothing to talk about because all I ever do is stay in the house.I have built up anger and hate for her.But yea I get my hair done once a month,I go shopping often,and I have a cellphone but thats not enough Im 15.
Its like she doesnt know who I really am because I have isolated myself from her and my friends.MY bff's and bf make me the most happiest.I feel like a parent/parents should make you feel comfortable being who you are or they will lose little of what they had.It's all DIVERSITY.DIVERSITY MAKES YOU WHO YOU ARE IN MY OPINION.Parents please read this I DONT WONT KIDS TO FEEL MY PAIN AND HURT AND LONESOMENESS..IF YOU DONT LET US DO HALF OF WE WANT WE RESTRICTIONS OR SOMETHING AGREEABLE WE ARE GOING TO DO IT ANY WAY..
P.S THE TRUTH HURTS

My parents keep me away from my friends!

i have 2 say my parents are awesome. sure my moms over protective and doesnt understand the phrase "i dont want to talk about it" but i could go 2 her for anything. and my dad is a typical army dad, protective 2 a certain degree. but im his "baby girl" and he doesnt want to c me growing up. i cant go out without a parent and i can't date unless my parents meet the boy and one parent follows behind at "a safe distance" but im the oldest and my parents are learning through my experiences with them. i love both my parents alot and i do have an 8 o'clock curfew on school night and nine o'clock on weekends. i have 2 give my phone to my parents then and i have 2 be somewhere inside the house. but i understand that what they're doing is for my own good. and the kids who whine "oh my parents are sooooo over protective" get over yourselves ok? here's a great example of my dad being a great dad-- my class went on a field trip and my friends and i had 2 go pee and my dad the ever present chaperone stood right outside the door and called in with eyes closed every minute to make sure all of us were there. parents are doing their job by saying no and putting boundries. if i want something i go 2 my parents with my arguments lined up. i present my case and then we debate. my parents know they can trust me with certain friends at parties but they'll call and check up on me now and then but i love knowing that they're there and that they care. my younger brother is my moms favorite kid so i do get yelled at by her alot. but we're so much alike that its scary.i agree with the list completly it shows common causes of fights and kids doing something stupid. im sorry but what do you gain from drugs? brain damage and addiction thats all u gain. face it, if ur using for problems they'll still be there and giving away pictures of yourself? why? think about this....if it gets into the mind of a sick person just think of what they could do and you gain a not so nice rep. from your peers. and teenage sex? no matter how much you protect yourself it doesnt always work. ticking off your parents by doing stuff like that makes the tension worse and it might be funny but its not so funny when your responsible for a baby or are in rehab. parents need to give kids freedom but parents know their kids. they know what they can expect and how much trust to give. so just buck it up and try to remember they love you and they were kids too

My parents are pretty chill with me. I get good-ish grades and they let me ply on a paintball team. All I have to do is maintain a B average to keep getting a discount on my drivers insurance. However, on a side note, the thing I really weanted to point out is that as a 17-year old guy, Walmart has let me buy combat and pocket knives for a year(you have to be 16, and i now have an extensive collection), but you have to be 18 years old to buy any paintball gear, some of this i understand because a steel tank at 3000psi can be dangerous. but i went there last night to buy a plastic squeegee designed to clear paint out of your barrel and they wouldn't let me buy it. They need to get a priority check.

hi im 15 yrs old and yeah i am just a teenager and well i porbably no nothing of what im about to say but to tell you the truth im very very mature for my age ive learned from a very oyung age that what dosent brake you makes you stronger and i havent had the best chilhood ive always watched my parents argue my real dad has treated me and my sister like crap my whole life. with my stepdad is no different between him n mom, my mom is the type of person that well dosent allow me to do anythin what so ever i go to school n i go homw i have great grades i started to work and i used to go to a leader ship program and o yeah did i mention i also go to early college so i take college clases with college students so you can say im great as in keeping up at school doing something for myself and going for what i want but dont be fooled by it because its not the way it orks im not happy with my life or my chilhood im only 15 and i feel so old because of all the experiences ive learned. i dont have a social life what so ever i can never do anything at home becuase my mother is always on me for anything i love my mom what teen dosent but what sometimes you dont understand is that we cant always do what you want because you cant control every simple aspect of our lifes even if you want yes im great in schooland i want to be the first one to graduate in my family with a college degree and be somebody and prove to her and my father and everybody that has doubt me..i have no relationship with my mom what so ever because its impossible to talkto her and let me be struck by lighting right know if im lying but ive tried really hard to have a relationship with her to have someone there i can talk to about anythin but its impossible because the most little thing will tick her off and she will jus go off and start yelling and arguing....my sister left my house when she was 16 because of this and believe it or not she left with my father even though hes hurt so much i would prefer him to keep living a house where you cant go to the corner store of your house without being yelled at and not only for that for anything.yea im not perfect and believe that ive made alottt of mistakes but its hard to make right choices when you already have so much going on and you just dont feel like being home anymore parents need to understand that just like you we have feelings n thoughts have a brain of our own and we want to be able to make our own mistakes because if we dont we never learn what life is all about yeah we understand you were young once and you know what im talking about but that was you and this is me 2 very different people with different opnions about life and how they see it maybe because of age and maturity or for the experience and maybe both but that dosent mean you should be making decisions of your kids life without knowing who they really are and what they want in life i personally think that its so important to know the small things about your kids because those are the things that really count and i wish my mom new those kind of things about me but i find myself loving school because i get out of the house and i just get to relax with my friends who i can talk to about anything but outside of school i have no social life since my friends are scared to death of my mom so yeah its hard enough to be a teen so parents please lay off a bit because your going to push your kids away and trust me there going to want and are going to get out of the house in any chance they have and are going to want to leave and be on their own and to tell you the truth i find myself in that position just like my sister she left at 16, the difference is that i do want to wait till 18 tchnically 17 cuz dats wen i grad from h.s n wen i turn 18 ill b startin college to move out i mean ive had it so hard already why not wait to more yrs no matter how bad there going to be like they have been already because this ight here is jus a small piece of a big book.....

These are very good points. My mother won't hesitate to hold weird grudges in a situation she isn't involved in. She'll chew people out in the presence of compan; even make my guests feel like they're a burden when she feels putting out for them is an inconvenience. She talks behind her friends backs and then throws on her happy face when they're actually around and she's rather old fashioned so she'll make distasteful remarks regarding stereotypes among other things, assuming my friends will agree with her. She'll barge in on my affairs if she feels I am not handling them correctly and her method of settling a conflict is to threaten the other person. :/ It really pisses me off. I rarely allow friends over anymore because of things like that and I refuse to communicate with her on my feelings because she's so quick to jump the gun and get unreasonably angry. I've never caused an accident, done drugs, I never drink, I rarely run around. All I normally do is sit at my desk and write and she's always making accusations that there's something wrong with me and she's the one who's caused it... I feel I'm incredibly well behaved. Even a little to shy. My parents are great with me, but sometimes when they're bad, they're bad.

my parents trust mee with my choices i mean they care if a get badd grades and stuff but they dont come in and take control of my life..i knoe that they only do this coz they care and stuff and wat happened in the past, like when they were little and made mistakes so they dont want us to do the same. they watch after mee but they dont go crazy over wat i do... lollz some dads would go crazy if yooh got a bf my dad doesnt mind at all yay! im so lucky ahahha

finally an adult has decided to view the life of a kid from a not-so-parent form. I really hope my mom reads this!! she really needs too!

I believe that it would be alot worse if parents would let their children do whatever they wanted. I would love it if my parents cared about everything that I did, cleaned my stuff and tryed to understand me which is a little ridiculous. Children need values and reasons to follow them and paretns that follow their own values.

my mother is a little scrit its a little hard to have a relationship with someone when she always looking over your shoulder i know its just because she cares but i am really give your kids some space . you dont have to always being tell them what to do or being listing in on they and their friends . i have a shitty socail life because of my mom i rarely get to go anywhere and i see on myspace all my friends going to the mall going to the moives going to someone elses house and i sit here go maybe one place a week and even then i have to be watched i am 16 i have never done anything wrong i have had the chance to yeah but i am pretty much a goody goody two shoes. it sucks soo bad to never go anywhere
it doesnt help to always be to protective i am you can be protective but not when yuor soo protective your kids have no life of their own and sit around at home all the time . it destories their confients . i saw someone said you are only a teenager once yeah thats soo true you need to leet them enjoy it because hey a few years form now your kids will have to work all the time and will never be able to enjoy themselfs .

I'm 12 and turning 13 this July and some of this I can relate to. My Mom isn't the youngest thing out there but she certainly isn't the oldest. See Sometimes when I go to my friends house, she drops me off at like 7 pm and come picks me up at like 10 am!!!!! I'm Still Sleeping!!!!!!!! And usually I miss out on everything fun that happens in the afternoon. My mom picks me up and says that we have sooooo much stuff to do when we do absolutely NOTHING at all to do and I ask her why I couldn't stay longer and she ignores me like I didn't say anything at all. I have an older brother whose 19 and turning 20 soon and I think he kinda screwed everything up for me. Thank You So Much Alan!! (my brother). Yes I have accused her of ruining my life. Well I am kinda in depression (it hasn't been diagnosed because I haven't told my mom because she would tell just about everyone she knows and everyone she used to know.)

I have a sixteen year old daughter. i understand the fact that she needs a life and I allow it. i give her a cell phone and unrestricted internet access. Hell, i even let her have a boyfriend. She has a curfew set anytime she goes out with friends or boyfriend. With all of this, she is very open with her mother and me. she speaks to us about her problems and problems her friends are having. she even asks for advise on her boyfriend. she helps with the house, dinner, and watching her little bro & sis, without even asking. granted i check her computer to see where she has visited and who she has chatted with but it's only for her safety. The is an old saying from where i come from..... "it's better for them to go out the front door than the window." Parents, keep that in mind next time you find yourselves being that "HARD-ASS".... oh yeah, she maked a's, b's, and occasional c's in school.

Grades

parents get to strict with them and me A.P. Geometry 8th Grade can make it difficult. I like my be Average grade because there are teens in 10th Grade taking the same class ending up with C's.

Parent's need to understand that High school isn't as easy as it used to be. Freshman like myself, NOW have to take Pre-College A.P. classes. Yet parent's don't nesesarilly understand how hard it CAN be to get an A in some of these classes. so when we get a bad grade, all they do is harp on us. but what they don't get is that we have higher level of classes than what they had 20-30 years ago... so parents get off our backs and give us a break.

so basically i'm junior in high school and never been happy. well the last time i was really happy was about 5th grade, because that was the last time my parents let me hang out at a friends house. now, while i have a 3.8 gpa and never done a sinlge bad deed, my parents wont let me out and are tracking my phone (but deny it even though i checked with my phone company). some days i'm not aloud to go to cheer get togethers because its "a wild party" to my parents. so help? cause they do NOT get that i'm going off to college in a year and need to experience life outside my house

i think what everyone needs to realize is this, yes your parents did go threw things that were similar but not the same. yes your mom once had to choose to be part of the popular kids (who were mean) or be part of the uncool kids. however when my mom was a kid that group picked on her cause of her clothes and because she wasn't rich. not because she was still a virgin or because she was the only one who hasn't tried the new drug. so yes they know the purishes but they aren't the same. if you want to help your kid don't say i've been there say something like well tell me what it feels like to go threw this and see if we can figure a way around it. how-ever parents also need to think about one thing too did you go to your parents probbley not. you learned on your own . and as difficult as it may be to see your child sad or be out of the in group.they will come to u when they feel like it's too much. if that is what you showed them growing up. and the kids need to realize also that your parents are new to what your going threw also it dosen't matter if your a 1st child or the 12th child.everyone gos threw these problems differently. so don't get mad if they have no clue on how to handle the issue at hand . it should be something that you and your parents go threw together. and remember your folks love you no matter what.

I enjoy reading some of the post- i think some of them are very funny
1st - your childern is a extension of you!! and it is your duty as a parent to ensure they have what they need to be good human beings first, not popular , kool or whatever.
2nd what alot of these modern day parents seem to forget it that things are earned and just because you are XX age it is not a gimme
3rd - what we really need to understand is that someone will raise your kids , either you or the popular media!!
4th - it is not a democracy in my house i am the parent first and last, i dont do deals i set the bar

I have read quite a few comments on this board and first I am appalled by whomever stated that it doesn't matter that people can spell correctly any longer because of the "fast-paced" world we live in. No?!? I guess it is alright to look like a complete idiot when people cannot spell words like "deal", "your", etc. Spell checker has nothing to do with it... if you are old enough to read this forum and write a comment, then you should be old enough to spell those words since my first grader can.
Second of all let me share my personal experience as a teenager (I am in my early twenties so it wasn't that long ago). My parents were the type that let me do what I wanted to do, pretty much when I wanted to do it. They were good parents and expected me to get good grades, but they didn't hover over me. Guess what? I wish that they would have had a bigger role in making my decisions for me. I trusted my parents and I knew that I could tell them anything and that they would help me if I needed them, but that didn't mean that I was going to share things with them either. I used my lunch money to buy pot for my friends and I. I would lie and say I was staying somewhere else when I was actually out doing something I wasn't supposed too. I dated guys who were 4 years older than I was. I stole my parents cars when they were gone or sleeping. And you know what happened.... I ended up being 16 and pregnant, dropping out of school, and in a relationship with a guy who physically and verbally assaulted almost every day. Luckily, I managed to turn my life around and continued my education and got out of that relationship. But things didn't change until I finally listened to what my parents were trying to tell me about the real world.
When my daughter grows up, you can bet that I will check with parents to make sure my daughter is staying there. If I think for even a moment that she may be in trouble, I will snoop through any mediums in which she may be expressing her problems. It's a crazy world out there and even the best intentioned children and teenagers can be lured in by sociopaths, so I don't blame parents for occasionally checking out what their children have been doing in cyberspace. I don't blame parents for wanting their children to be safe. It is all I think about everyday when I send my child to school or I let her play with her friends outside or around the neighborhood.
I know teenagers don't understand this know, nor will you be able to fully grasp it in college (although you may begin to be able to grasp it better), but when you have children and you start to see how dangerous the world really can be for you children, you'll understand why your parents did what they did. (With the exception of those truly awful parents who verbally, emotionally, and physically assault their children, but occasional snooping and checking up on you is NOT abuse.)

at least we have gunz...and knifes...or hands...

I'm not for ratting out a poor quality mother, but I really have to rat out two. I'm 15, and I think my dad is cool, he gives me the space I need (sometimes too much I feel), but as for my mother and who would've been a step mother are really poor at their job as a parent.

Mother: As much as she tried, she wasn't a very good mother, I mean really. I felt that most of the freedom I got from her was from pity and from being unable to see me very often (whenever she wanted to see me, she had to call, now, I don't want to see her flat), she was also almost broke (my dad's no prize now, we're nearly broke too, but we manage at least), and really couldn't afford much of the food I liked. I stopped seeing her because I could never really connect with her as I could with my dad. She tried, it was nice being with her, I'll admit, but the little thread of bond snapped.

Would be Step-Mother (thank the gods she's not): This woman was OUTRAGEOUS! I won't give out names but by god, she treated her daughter like total crap. Her true colors showed when we were living with her, she was overly aggressive, and very commanding. My dad couldn't do crap in the house without her trying to get him to do something, and every time her daughter was bad in her eyes, she, excuse my language, flew off the fucking handle and either spanked her or hit her, which led to her daughter trying to push me around, which led me to getting grounded by HER mother, by then, I would stubbornly not listen to her. My father and her also got into fights, and eventually, my dad had enough, and we, so to speak, "ditched the $%#$% in the pit, and came back home," she was terrible. I'm certain now that her daughter, who is also commanding to her play mates, feels safer now that her mom isn't flying off the handle all of the time. But, I bet when she turns 13, she'll be unpopular in junior high because she wants things to go her way.

Now, my dad wasn't perfect at first, he actually did smack me or yell at me once in a while (which scared the, pardon me again, the shit out of me), he's better at it now since he's keeping his temper in check. I currently know I can trust my father with anything (but I WON'T tell him about a girl I like, not that he will ground me or hit me or anything, just that he'll try and get me to ask her out, which is actually reducing a specific freedom I don't want reduced), so he's a stress reliever if I'm stressed.

[big]I hate it when I'm online doing like whatever and my dad would pop in my room randomly and check to see I'm not chatting with strangers. OMG. Man. If you don't trust me, don't expect me to do the same. [/big]

My mom and dad are pretty cool, but my mom thinks that i should tell her everything in my life, she already reads all of my text messages and listens in on phone calls, looks through all my papers and critises me for not telling them about this one failing grade or not telling them about this one person in my contacts. she still believes shes not doing anything but i dont have the heart to tell her that my friends dont like coming over cuz she is all up in their business, asking them who there boyfriend is or who they like.

You forgot to add your parent is not you!!!!!!!!!!! A parent should trusta kid until the kid does something completely wrong not one little mistake. I am not doing this to my future kids.

It's different 'cause I never really even got the chance to make friends to have. When I did, I wasn't aloud to be around them.

When I was little, I'm 14 now, I could only hang out with the two kids on my street. They were both boys. For years they were all the company i had and we were all good friends. But when you grow alittle, like 8 or 9, it starts to get awkward and we didn't hang out much. I undersand why my mom didn't let me go much farther then. But when I was alittle older, 10-13, she didn't let me do anything. I couldn't go across town to Alexis's house or Mekensie's house, and it's a small town, all I did was go to school and then come home to do nothing. When I asked to go out she said no. Everytime. I couldn't stay at friends houses' or call them, we only had one phone then and dial up. Now I am VERY unsocial and she still doesn't let me out. I ask if I can go to a friends house and I always get the same answer "I don't want you running around the streets like all these girls that get knocked up!" O_O I just wanted to go to Lexi's house Jeez. Then when I'm sitting there doing nothing she says "Why don't you ever hang out with your friends?" Everytime I come so close to screaming. I don't do good around new people now and me and all those people are no longer friends, we all gave up because I was never aloud out. I don't know if my anti-social issues are her fault but it's a good possibility.

She always gets angry because I spend all my time in my room avoiding people. I don't want to be so anti-social, it just happens. I can't help the fact I like being alone, or the fact I have no more friends...

I hated growing up in my mom's house. She was so over-protective that even using that term would be and understatement. I had friends and was allowed over their houses and them over mine but that was it. I was not allowed out to the mall or movies or anything like that unless she or an older family member was present at the time. I lost a lot of "friends" because of it. Compound that with trying to fit in with what I thought was the "cool" crowd in high school and I hated my life. I was 16-17 and a senior when I finally realized why should I care, friends who are no longer friends obviously weren't and trying to be friends with "cool" kids wasn't working. They didn't like me and I liked who I was and was not going to change just for them. I stopped caring what other people thought of me, I eventually wound up becoming great friends with 2 other girls who I had known those years before but we never hung out much and we are still best friends today now 10 years later. The best thing I could have taken from all of it was be yourself and people will like you for you, not who they want you to be. and now that I am a parent, I know I will have certain rules my kids will have to follow but I am certainly not going to be as strict as my mother.

This is good, not all, but some. I'm 16 now. Strong male, fit, responsible, don't enjoy drinking and has never smoked anything. My mother is a mid-40's blonde, over-reactive woman, my dad is work-oriented, really no friends, and considers working 20 hours a day without leaving the house, a life. On #10, I have experiences of not bringing my friends to my house, ever, due to the fact that the few times my dad comes up from the hole (his office) in the basement, he gives an evil death glare and runs back downstairs. Later, I'll find out that he was pissed that my friends weren't over for a study group, and that we weren't being constructive enough, leading into a two hour lecture over priorities and nonsense. He apparently had this crap childhood of being a farmboy with few friends, spending every waking second of his days shoveling fecies out of his farm house. In my view, he believes that because his life is like that, he must make ours like it too? And because of this secret home lifestyle, I secretly hide all my friends and my girlfriend, and end up making it look like I am a social wreck. Though this secret life promotes my mother's need to tell me to "get a life". F*** off...

Parents you need to take chill pills.

I have a step daughter who is 14, and two of my own kids, 9 and 6 months. My husband is a major strickler about everything! He gets mad if either of the girls even mention a boys name. Our 14 year old has just recently been "allowed to have a boyfriend" but he doesn't want to hear about the boyfriend. We get along great until it comes to the girls. I have argued with him that our now 14 year old has had "boyfriends" sinse we've been together the last 6 years. He denies it and doesn't want to believe it. Our daughter's boyfriend wants to meet us. He is extremely over protective. But when I have fought with him to allow our daughter to go to 7th and 8th grade dances or for her to go somewhere else, she ends up doing something where she gets into trouble. I feel like she "kicks me in the gut", and he says he told me so. Drives me nuts!! I don't know what to do. She is 14, she never gets phone calls at the house, her phone is always getting taken away, and she never has friend over-hardly ever, and we catch her in lies a lot. She is supposed to do chores around the house for her phone, she only works on them when she's told, even then she doesn't do a very good job. I have tried talking to her and telling her that if she is straight up honest with me about things, then that gives me better leverage to stand up for her with her Dad. Then she gets busted with something else. Kicked in the gut again. A lot of ways I feel my 9 year old is more mature than my 14 year old.
I would like for her and her friends (and boyfriend) to feel comfortable being around here, and when my other daughter gets older. But I don't know how to change things so they will be comfortable. I feel like I'm running into a brick wall!

Ok, my parents are awesome, but sometimes they don't get me. You see, I have had an argument with my mom to give me permission to do certain things. I dislike it when they say your too young, or when they say I know what you're going through, but they never do anything to make it better. I'm not asking for permission to get a tattoo, or a my belly button/tongue/lip/eyebrow pierced, I am not asking for surgery, or to let me have sex. I am not one of those girls. I know people that have had sex, and have gone through many problems. So compared to all that what I am asking for is nothing. Sadly, they don't get that. They know I am a good kid, but I guess they still don't trust me. As if you need trust to let me do that. Other than that, my parents are cool. They have thrown me some good parties, they have allowed some of my friends stay over, and everything. I think that there will always be SOMETHING that parents won't want their kids to do. I don't know why, but I know it's so.

I think kids forget that the parents were once kids themselves and wen through the same thing as they are or not.
Some parents led colorful lives before they had them and that might be why they are so careful with the kids.
for a parent to loose a child or a child to loose a parent is a life changing event, this to will pass.
Everything you are going through now with parents is actually a learning exerience that some day you will look back on and actually relize what love does to a person, it is about the love not the power.
The converstaions I have with my boys (know grown) is very informative we talk about what they liked and didn't about how they were raised and I speek about how they made me feel.
It is all only a matter of time, take it each day at a time.

parents sukkkkk

I wish I could go back in time to fifth grade. I am now turning sixteen in a week and I have not gone to a single "high school party" in my career. I am a sophomore now. This is not, in fact, due to my parents, but my want to fit in with another group of people. I had a good group of friends, but I wanted to hang out with the "cool kids". So, I kinda ditched my friends for 3 years. Everyone saw me in school with these kids, but I had no out-of-school social life. People from any group of kids were surprised if I gave them a call to hang out. Moreover, my "friends" were not even that nice to me. My mom actually tried to get me to hang out with new people, but I didn't connect the dots and realize that she was right-- it was my "friendship" with these kids that put off many others. Anyway, in eighth grade I found new friends, who unfortunately moved away within one year. Now, I have virtually no social life, and all my mom did was try to help!
sorry for expressing my tucked away feelings to readers of a Yahoo post-- pretty lame... But trust me, do not make my mistake-- I would rather be good friends with a few less popular kids than have no friends or be acquainted with the wrong, obusive people

i feel im very fortunate, my father trusted me to make every descion good or bad. i have learned alot from doing so and i have so many friends that turn to me. Im glad im fortunate enough to have god standing by me and a dad that wanted me to learn from exsperence. Kids you have to rember this also, YOUR GOING TO BE A PARENT one day. Its easy saying im not going to sit here and do that to my kid, but can you honestly mean what you are saying. If your child comes up to you and says i lost my virginity, are you going to handle it the way your parents did, or are you going to try and earn your childs respect. I feel for a child to trust there parents the parents have to show trust towards there child. Thats why it was easy to talk to my dad. Just dont get on here and preach something and be a hypocrite and not mean it. Im 18 and dont want kids to say you dont know where im comng from, well i had to face my decsions alone. Did you. Also cause i care about people i have a myspace if you do want to learn how it feels to be me or if you want to teach me. joseph Key

What I wanna know is why my parents cracked down on me when I was a kid (I'm about to turn 23 in a week or so), but they are way lax on my two younger brothers? What'd they do... use up all of their discipline on me? I wasn't even a bad kid. My mom actually joked with me a few weeks back about how polite and non-assertive about things I am. :-/ I still find myself feeling overwhelmed and frustrated by their expectations. Like I HAVE to be successful and do my best at everything or I'll let them down. Yeah... I am their only daughter but still. Sometimes I think about just saying screw it and doing whatever I wanna do...

Seems like the one thing every teen has in common is that they feel their parents dont/didnt trust them. I know in my case its because my parents werent the most trustworthy kids (i was conceived durning spring break), so naturally my mom, who had never so much as spoke to me about sex immediately wanted to put me on birthcontrol when I turned 17. She didnt suggest it so tactfully either she said "i dont know what you do when youre out, but i know you need birthcontrol"...this devastated me, I wasnt even sexually active, I felt insulted and humiliated, especially because i have a history of being sexually abused. My mom didnt know how she hurt me until she almost made the same mistake with my younger sister, I intervened and suggested to my mother that she try to be more concerned and supportive rather than pointing the finger. Mom didnt realize half the mistakes she made, but she was a single mother with 3 kids who were every active in extracuricular activities, she managed us the best way she knew how, not all the things she did with us kids were bad/wrong/right, but at least now we have such a relationship that we are able to discuss where she may have made mistakes and now that we are grown (trying disprately to raise our own kids right, lol we constantly remind eachother what was done to us, what we didnt like, and where mom could have done better, this time we're gunna get it right! lol....maybe my kids will (with their kids)

I just started college and I def realize now I did not always apprec my mom (she raised me on single parent income). I tried to, but sometimes we'd just fight over stupid things that she wouldn't buy and I'd call her cheap. Now I see how $$ even simple stuff is. I nvr apprec the laundry machine till now. She may be do laundry but I never paid for detergent, softener, washer/dryer fee etc. Now it's just one of many bills I pay and when I see that movie = a load of wash = 1 hr work at Taco Bell I finally see that it WAS a big deal. Everytime you ask for extra, parents gotta cut corners to save or work more esp if you don't take care of the stuff you got. So teaching more abt $$/budgets, that's what add to a list that is otherwise complete and helpful.

"I am sitting here trying to contain myself while reading these comments from these teens who "think" they know everything about everything. I agree with Bstewart and probably many other parents who feel the same as us. Kids have to earn thier priveleges, they are not RIGHTS. Taking things away and time outs are sometimes effective tools for certain kids. And of course, spanking is a "sin" according to CPS, so we do "military style punishment". And for those of you who feel that telling my kids to drop and give me twenty for disrespecting me, stop reading right now. We have certain rules for all the kids, but we do alot of our punishment military stlye. I got the idea a few years ago in a Parenting magazine. If you have an out of control kid, squat thrusts, push-ups, running laps, WILL NOT kill them. And the best part is, it helps them stay fit and it leaves no marks. Of course, it isn't something you can do in the store when they act up, but the minute you walk in the door, that's when they pay for what they did. No parent is perfect and what works for me, doesn't have to work for you. But what does need to be said is try to have an awesome relationship with your kids while still being the parent and not the FRIEND.I have 5 kids and we have a rocky moment pretty much everyday, but I tell them I love them, and I redirect them when needed. The military style punishment is for when ll else fails, but it works. We do take privelges away like computer, TV, PS2, and if it takes 3 months, then that's what it takes. I almost came unglued reading one girls comments. Mind you she is 15, so of ocurse she knows EVERYTHING. (Being sarcastic). But she basically said she was gonna do what she wants when she wants. I am not oblivious to kids and what they do....but my philosophy is , "I give them the leash, it's up to them if they hang themselves with it" and I give the appropraite amount of lee-way for the age. And who truly is to say whose parenting is better or worse than the other. Who's to say what you do is right or wrong? Just love them the best you can, and guide them and teach them to respect themselves and others and have faith.

I can’t believe how much I’ve been blessed to be my mother’s daughter. To have a mother who loves me, trusts me, and understands me better than anybody else in the world. She’s always been so great to me, and even when we’ve had nothing and lived in hell she’s always been able to make it into heaven for us. She worked two jobs and while going to school but still always had time to spend with my brother and me. And when my father abandoned us she managed to be strong, and tell us that he is the one who messed up and was wrong. She helped through all the hard parts, encouraging us, and always telling us how proud she is of us, and how much she loves us. I’m so proud of her.

I think this is stupI think this is stupid. PArents think they know how kids are feeling but they don't. Maybe a kid should write a book about over protective parents because we are the actual ones that are experiencing it.id. PArents think they know how kids are feeling but they don't. Maybe a kid should write a book about over protective parents because we are the actual ones that are experiencing it.

I love my parents. Ofcoarse. But they don't give me freedome as everybody does. I never had friends over, I never went to my friends house except ONCE! And I am NEVER allowed to sleep over. For my own safetly but It's still so unfair! I go to the mall, Iceskating, Park, but I wish they would let me walk in the streets with my friends! They completely trust me, they just are worried...I always have my phone on me, and when it is not charged I use my friend's phone and I even call them and tell them. I told them to text me ever half hour or call me or something but they wont let me. I wish I can do everything that all my friends do. Most of my friends met my parents, mostly my mom. They love my mom and talk to her alot because she works in the mall. And she thinks they are good friends too and since their mother isnt good with them she treats them as her own. They also wont let my friends pick me up....this cancelled out some of the best plans ever :/ parties, mall, houses, parks, iceskating, and alot of other fun places...! They know I am 100% against drugs, alcohol and smoking and sex. I am completely disguisted by any of it! And they know I dont believe in sex before marrage. And they know I dont give into peer pressure, and they know my friends are good people because I tell my mom everything about them and she thinks they give right choices and everything, and plus I have my own group of friends that my mom knows. So I wish she can just let me go :/

I'm 15, right? I know I should be going through this "I hate my mom and dad" stage, but in reality, only half of that is true, but not for the reasons you might think. My mom is depressed, so there are times when I come home and she's crying, or I have a friend over and she decides it's a good time to break out the water works, or whatever. It's super embarrassing and stressful and the guilt, for the life of me, will not go away. My whole family revolves around making her happy. We let her take us to D.C. and remodel our kitchen even though we seriously can't afford it, but it makes no difference.
But my dad... He's so awesome. Maybe it's because he's like a polar opposite to my mother, but he's honestly my favorite person in the world. He's a scrawny, nerdy man that doesn't try to understand me all the time or look cool in front of my friends. He knows his place as the parent, and plays it perfectly. He knows how to live life contently and is always giving me advice and stuff. Not like "Yea, Georgina, you can't take that shit. Pound her to the ground," or anything. More like "I'm sorry, but you can't let that ruin your day." or "Don't get upset about what you can't change." At the time I always think to myself easy for you to say.But then I look back later and realize how stupid I was and how much time I wasted being upset. He's completely in control of his life and keeps his emotions where he wants them. Maybe he's such a role model to me because my mom's emotions are flying all over the place, but I don't care. If I had to pick one person that he reminds me the most of, it would be Atticus Finch. He's so practical and smart, but he has endless patience and knows how to have a good time. I can wrestle, have deep talks about religion, listen to music, discuss political issues, ride bikes - I can do anything with my dad and everytime come out feeling like I've learned a bit more on how to live a happy life. He's the coolest.

Number ten on the list is one I have to agree with, no matter what anyone else might try to say. My friends refuse to come over to my house, because they never know when a fight is going to start. Whether its between my mother and stepfather, mother and brother, brother and stepfather, there's always a big chance of a fight happening while they're here. When I go out, I have to have my phone, and I can't go alone. I can't go anywhere alone with one of my guy friends, one of my girl friends have to come along too. I also realize that getting my school work done is important, but how can I get it done if my brain is so fried that I can't think anymore?? Once in a while, going out with friends helps my brain get back to a place where it can actually work and be successful.
In a way, my parents set bad examples, because they are completely unable to keep good relationships for very long. Not to mention that they let their tempers get out of control and therefore destroy things that way, as well.

My parents arealways on to me and i cant get them to trust me sometimes its my brothers's falts some times their just to pick, random or nosy EX: they say i like this one girl who i readly hate (she never talks to me or wants to ignolage me)

So true...in some ways....my parents treat me like this! ALL IM ASKING FOR IS A LITTLE BIT OF FREEDOM! DAMN IT! IM 14 AND I HAVE NEVE GONE OUT WITH MY FRIENDS ALONE TO THE MOVIES! MAJOR OPPRESSION!

Im 13 and my dad wont let me leave the house without calling him every five minutes. I have no freedom at all outside the house. Also, i cant leave the house unless im with my 11 year old brother. My brother likes to whine about every little thing. And im not aloud two blocks away from my house. The only time i have freedom is when im at my moms house. So i cant leave the house unless i want to call my dad every five fricken minutes, or im at my moms house.

Wow, my friend got grounded for having a girls number on his phone. 3 WEEKS! His mom needs to read these.

if it were up to me id have a better social life id never b in the house but instead im stuck with the rents every weeked

I ABSOLUTELY HATE WHEN MY PARENTS ARE CONSTANTLY IN MY BUSINESS!
Yeah, I'm fine with it to an extent, but the way my parents, it's TOO much!
They tell me who I can and can't hang out with
They don't let me hang out with friends outside of school, they say I should be closer to my family than friends.. Yes I'm close to my family but I wish I could hang out with friends too!
They take away my phone A LOT just to see who all is in my phonebook and to see who I text and what the texts say, they go THROUGH absolutely EVERYTHING

Does anyone else have parents like this? & Does anyone agree that my parents are TOO strict?

Perhaps my comment does not really belong on here as it is more a gripe and complaint than anything...To all of the adults and parents on here, please do not complain about how illiterate the teenagers that comment are when you cannot even tell the difference between "you're" and "your" or "two," "too," and "to" or cannot capitalize properly. I am fourteen and value grammatical structure probably more than many of you folks do. Please do not use stereotypes when criticizing and, if you do, make yourself not look quite as comical in doing so. That is all. Thanks...

Alrighty....I'm 14 and quite honestly I don't like this list. I find my parents strict and somewhat overbearing. I know they because they care and all, but they need to lay off a bit. In my opinion, parents should trust their kids until they prove that they CAN'T be trusted. I like having my freedom and I don't abuse the little freedom I'm given. I wish I had more. The 'rents need to lay off and trust their kids, not smother them.




P.S. This is tiny-a** font, man!!!!!!!

My parents never trusted me with anything. I was never allowed to go do something with friends without an adult around, I always had to have my phone with me (which I never wanted, it was a condition of being allowed to go anywhere that I had one. I know most teens would die without a phone, but I hate them), I had ridiculously early curfews, and if any guys were going to be there I had to text every few minutes. I had a blog that I wrote poetry on, as I am planning on becoming a writer (I'm twenty now, don't think this is a child's dream, I'm taking classes), and I kept writings in progress on my personal computer that I bought with my own money working at my summer job. My parents used to go through everything and tell me when they found something I'd written inappropriate. Then they'd disconnect my internet so I couldn't talk to my friends over chat (I didn't hand out my phone number to people online) and told me I was a terrible person and didn't deserve to have friends. I was never allowed to have phone calls, or friends over, or do anything without them being all over it all the time.

I wasn't a bad kid, I got extremely good grades, I never even dated until I was seventeen, I did my chores, and still my parents wouldn't trust me with anything, even though I'd never given them any reason to not trust me. All through junior high and high school, I had only one or two friends, which would change every couple of years. Only people who could stand my parents, since they insisted on picking me up from school, even though it only took ten minutes to walk home on a very well populated street.

When they eventually let me start taking the bus for high school, since it was further, and I had to walk five minutes home, my stepfather called me a slut for being walked home by a boy. The neighborhood we lived in was rough, lots of druggies, alcoholics. He walked me home because things were bad. And I was called a slut.

My mother beat me with a belt until I was sixteen. Physical punishment is all well and good, but parents have a tendency to have power trips from it and take it too far. The last thing I got beaten for was not washing the sink right. The bathroom sink.

I admit my parents were psychotically abusive and didn't understand the first thing about raising children. Well, I mostly understand that now. At the time, all it did was make me very shy, very quiet, and unwilling to have friends. My parents made me feel untrustworthy and worthless and that translated to the minute social life I managed to have.

In conclusion, parents, if you make your child feel bad about themselves, it will translate to their social life. You are their guiding light, and if you treat them badly, they will think of themselves as deserving that.

I have an only child but you wouldn't know that if you ever came to my home. Every single day our home is filled with my 16 year old son and his friends. They don’t even knock anymore! I honestly think his best friend spends more time in our home than his own. They feel comfortable and at home here and enjoy coming to our house because we give them their freedom but there is also a lot of communication, laughter and fun. Unfortunately there are so many teens today that don't have an adult they can talk to about important things in their lives. My husband and I have always been there for our son and we can discuss any issue. We aren’t pushovers by any means. There are strict boundaries in our home and my husband and I have always had a united front. My son has a lot of freedom but he also knows that if he crosses the line, there will be consequences. I compliment my son when he makes good choices and have discussions with him when he doesn’t. When it comes to school, we make decisions together. He is in all honors class and when the school recommended he take AP classes we sat down and discussed the pros and cons of doing so. Of course I wanted him to take the class as it would count towards his college credit and what parent wouldn’t like free schooling, but we also realized that it was a very demanding class and my son would have several hours of homework each evening. We had a family meeting and we let our son know where we stood but ultimately the decision was his. I’m proud to say, he decided to take the class. He may not always choose the path I would have chosen for him, but it gives him a sense of self worth to know that we trust his judgment enough to let him make important decisions about his life. Our job as parents is to guide and direct our children, not live their lives for them. So far my son seems to be making good choices. He has good friends, stays out of trouble, doesn’t drink or smoke, plays several instruments, is in all honors classes and has great self esteem. He helps around the house, cooks dinner once a week, is expected to earn and save his allowance to purchase extras. Sure he might get a little mouthy once in a while (what teenager doesn’t) but that is a blip on the radar screen when I look at the big picture. Overall, he’s a really good kid.

It’s important to stress to these kids that peer pressure in high school can be horrendous but it is more important to have one really good friend that truly cares about you than a thousand acquaintances that don't. Seriously, what is four years of high school compared to a lifetime?

When I was still living at home my parents and I used to fight constantly. If I wanted to go somewhere with my friends my mom had to know every detail which I understood but she would never tell me WHAT she wanted to know, just confusing me. I would ask her well what do you want to know? and she would simply say well give me the details. I would give her the details I thought she needed and leave only to find out later that those weren't all the details she wanted and I would get grounded. It got to the point that I was either afraid of going out because I was going to get into trouble no matter what I did or I would simply not tell her where I was going and I would go and do something stupid. The point is her lack of trust in me only made both of our lives so much worse. She would also interfere with my friends lives starting trouble that wasn't necessary, separating me and her. By the time I became 16 I had lost all of my friends and wouldn't talk to her at all. I would sit in my room all the time by myself, either taking sleeping pills or listening to music. I got severely depressed and to this day I only have 2 friends. I group up with a verbally abusive dad and my mom didn't have the backbone to stand up to him for my benefit. Sometimes I think she did all of those things because since I was her daughter she could stand up to me and feel in charge, whereas she couldn't with my dad.

ive seen some of these comments and i totally agree!! Im in my teens right now and i LOVE my parents though they still kinda control freaks. Its basically more or less my mother. She always looks through my text messages and its ANNOYING! I need some privacy too! Dont get me wrong, shes really cool and stuff, but theres a limit. If she really trusted me then she wouldnt look thru my texts. And also my mom doesnt let me stay over at someone's house unless she knows their parents and even if she knew them she had to either get a invite or talk to their parents about it cuz she thinks that im gunna sneak off somewhere else. She even does that when im going to my own COUSIN'S house (but she needs to ask my aunt and no invitation thing, though). I love my mom and shes super cool, but she is KINDA protected about me especially and not my brothers. But i think i got it easier than most of these comments.

I'll give an example of how my life was growing up between me and my best friend, and how our lives were different only because of our parents. We both had the same education, when we were together we never saw an end in sight - to fun, friendship, happiness, etc. Her parents were both very strict and sheltered her. While they pushed her into little league sports, and activities like that, they didn't realize what they were doing by some standards.

My parents let me do whatever I want, to a certain degree. I couldn't do things normal kids SHOULDN'T do, like smoke/drink/drugs/sex, but I could listen to whatever I chose to, read whatever I liked, go on the internet unsupervised because my parents and I had built trust with one another. They know that I would come to them with a problem if there ever were one, and I think they also valued my intelligence when it came to deciphering which songs were "inappropriate," etc. But I was a kid. So I watched Beavis and Butthead, listened to some gangster rap, Marilyn Manson, whatever! My parents didn't care. I came out of this a straight A student, lots of friends, never been involved with drugs. First had sex at age 18, had a full time job for five years and was enrolled in college until I had a baby a couple of months ago (which has only enriched my life MORE!) And college will continue as the year reaches fall. I always had incredible, wonderful friends that my parents never questioned/said they didn't like... HOWEVER, because of the way in which I was raised, I was always scrutinized (and my parents, too) by the aforementioned friend's mom. Her mom was so overprotective that it got to the point where she did not trust her daughter in my house because I was a "bad influence." We stopped hanging out, because of her over protective mom, and suddenly she was skipping class, taking mushrooms, pot, smokin cigarettes, hooking up, getting suspended, not paying attention in school. She did drugs all throughout high school and more severely upon moving out and I firmly believe it has EVERYTHING to do with the way she was raised! Now that she's more independent and on her own, she's in college and has stopped using (for the most part.) But some of the most incredible points in her life (being a child) were smothered and suffocated by an over protective parent.

As a mom, of course I am going to look out for my child. But there is no way in hell I'm doing anything differently from what my parents did, so long as my child and I have that solid bond of trust. My parents know when I lost my virginity, when I experimented with my first and only drug, my thoughts and ideals on what's going on in the world, etc. In fact, my dad and I work together right now, which strengthens our bond. My friend would NOT work with her parents if it were the only job available! Lots of people don't think of the impact they're having on their kids when they do things that they do, but it's easy to get caught up in that. I can see where parents are coming from when they hold their kids back (unintentionally) because of cyber predators, etc. Like I've said - as long as your kid is intelligent, and there is trust, there should be no reason to be so over protective. . . but it all depends on how they are raised from infancy to teenage years that have an impact on this.

I see all these kids on here who believe that they have a truly terrible life. I'm by no means a seasoned veteran of a parent, although I do have a 7 month old son. I am almost 21 years old and I have never had a scuffle with the police, I have never had an accidental pregnancy, I have a good job, good benefits, and I scored good grades through highschool. I NEVER blamed my social life on my parents as they did what they think was best. I was neither super popular, nor was I unpopular, I was generally well liked by most people. My parents were sometimes really strict, but I understood it was for a good reason, in that they had been a kid at one point too. My parents knew almost all of my friends, but I rarely brought home a girl until I turned 16 or so. I still get lectured daily by my dad, but I understand he is just trying to help me. Kids need to learn that sometimes you HAVE to grow up sooner than you want to. My older brother has a severe hearing disorder, as does my mom, and myself as well. In school, my parents expected me to watch out for my older brother, and I always did. I made sure he was taken care of. That I believe will earn me parenting experience. I had to earn everything I have in my life. I'm 100% glad how my parents raised me. I look at my older brother and younger sister, and I Want to slap them both. They were both spoiled and got almost everything they want. Neither of them have a work ethic, my younger sister gets D's and F's and gets computers, and tvs, and video games, and cell phones, if I got a C you can bet I lost my tv and my computer. I didn't even get my first cell phone until after I graduated high school! My sister is a brat too, always telling my mom what to do, she doesn't pull that crap when she's around me, or when she comes to my house, because she knows I'll reach over and smack her, as I have done it several times throughout my life. I was always honest with my parents, and when I earned freedom, I recieved it. When I earned punishment, you can bet your ass I recieved it. Usually more than was necessary, but it got the point across! I rarely made the same mistake twice!

omg this is so true!!! (omg means oh my god or gosh) especially the last one! and kids need freedom...dont always ask about their day or wat they talk about with their friends dont read their diarys (MOM) once in awhie ask them if they want to talk about anything when they look depressed and if they say no then say oh well i just noticed that you have looked alittle down just know that you can come to me if u have problems...and please please just respect their privacy trust your kid that is the only way they r going to listen to you...if thye feel that you trust them then maybe the next time they are doing something they should not be doing they will stop and think...the more contoe you try to put on them the more they will push you away!

im almost 16 and i feel like my parents still dont trust me. i was so sheltered as a kid that by the time i got to middle school i had no clue as to what the other kids were talking bout ever, and i had no idea that there were things that u could in fact do. now that im old ebuf to c all the things i missed out on, i feel like i cant tell my parents anything at all. or theyll freak, i didnt even tell them about my first kiss or boyfrann because i knew they would blow it all out of proportion. half the time i feel like in lieing to them because i cant simply say hey i like this guy, or im thinking about sex because i dont want to get grounded or ebed up in an hour lecture. its so hard growing up with oppresive paretns. i cant wait till im 18 and im gone, and ill raise my kids 100 times better.

There is one thing I felt really should be added to this list- parents living vicariously through their children. My roommate ( I’ll call her Ann) has a mother who used to constantly force her try out for things, or do things that Ann really didn’t want to do like being a cheerleader, running for prom queen, etc. Ann’s mother made her date the people that the mother wanted her date because she thought they were cute, instead of the people Ann really wanted to date. Her mother controlled what she wore based on the one’s Ann’s friends liked the most, she refused to let Ann chose her own hair style, she even controlled Ann’s weight, and called her fat once she got out of the 100-110 range. She basically tried to turn Ann into a little clone of what she was like in high school. And now Ann suffers from a lot of deep rooted issues because of that. She has self esteem issues, control issues, and she has a huge rebellious streak now, doing things just to make her mother mad or because she can, even though she knows they are dangerous or stupid.

Let me tell you. Im 21 years old and act more like an adult at times than my own parents. Trust me, I would be the first person in the world to throw my parents under the bus to get them to see what I see, or at least used to see. But after going to college and working more than 30 hours a week, I can see where they are coming from. Life eventually interupts the life you once had, which was fun and exciting and probably like young childs or teen, and replaces it with your new life which consists of non stop work and running around doing errands. You eventually forget what its like to be a kid. So when you try to grasp that life back, you forget what its like to be a kid and do nothing but embarrase yourself. Plus its never easy when your kids keep changing every day, week, month, year, generation. Nothing stays the same anymore. Also, kids could be a little more open and honest with their parents. Im sure parents would rather have a realtionship with their kids than being hip. If kids put the same amount of initiative into the parent child realtionship as parents, there would be no or at least less issues between them.

I am 14. I have a great mom but an opposite father. I am also an only child.

My momther is the best mother i the world. She protects me but also gives me my own space. I can go to her about anything!!! really anything. My friends often love to be with my mom because she helpful to everyone. But this changes every sunday at m dads.

Me and my dad look like have the same likes but really dont know each other. My father is strict overprotective and selfish. I fight with him every sunday. Some days i beg my mother to have me not go but he doesnt kno. All we do is let him watch football and im in the room on the computer. He doesnt know how old i am i dont know his. He doesnt know how much i dislike him. Because im scared to tell him. One day I asked him if i could stay home 1 day over the summer and he just assumed i wanted to be alone an maybe do stuff with a guy. Hw called me a slut , slapped me and told me to forget it.
Ive never been outside the neighborhood at his house but at home i know every1. Ive made some mistakes and learned from then because of mi MOM.
I talk to my mom for all these thiings. She makes my day. I wish when i grow up to leave my dad and never see him again but I can't. Even tho my dad is the worse to me i still love him some how.
So im letting parents know. Dont over protect ur children. Dad's grow up. You daughter isnt going to be there forever give us freedom. And dont assume every teen is the same because we arent. Mothers be the one who ur child can tell anything to. Dads too. Dont ruin you and ur childs relationship like my father is doing. But if i were a boy doing his stuff would probably be nice. Idk he just needs to grow up.

( P.S - Ive been hiding this for 5yrs now. He changed on me at 10 ) ( He still doesnt know how i feel and i dont have the nerve to tell him) ( Dont be like me )

My parents are very good parents yet they have never sat and gone through my text messages, emails, facebook or eavesdropped on my coversations. I would feel very disrespected and not trusted if my parents were doing things like this. I am 17 years old and I can't remeber one time where my parents felt the need to be that much into my privacy. There were times where I was not allowed to do certian things with friends like go out of state with friends that my mom has never met or heard of. But other than that I have been free as long as my parents know where I am going to be. Now this could be because my parents have hardly had behavior problems out of me and thats simply because they disciplined me when I was a child. I am pretty honest with my parents but somethings I don't think my parents need to know. And I dont think they would like to know everything about my personal life anyway. I have been faced with choices that only I could decide what should be done at the time, which is something that every individual will have to do sooner or later I made right choices and some bad ones but I am able to learn from my mistakes today and I always think about my parents advice when Im out on my own and it really does make me think a little harder when I make my choices. I say all of that to simply say if parents raise thier kids right at a young age as they get older they will be able to enjoy thier lives with out the parents worrying about thier childern making a very dumb decision or mistake.

Actually, college is probably the best thing for a kid to grow up and for a parent to let go. I left to go to college right after high school in another state and had no problem. My parents were not over protective, but I was not as independent as am I now. For the person that said college is not important unless they know life is crazy talk. You can learn life and go to school. I also know plenty of friends that did not go to college and do not know anything about life. College kids change major just like their underwear, it happens. You lose interest in a major or the major is too hard so they give up. I changed my major twice, and I love what I do now. I went to college not knowing what I wanted to do, but that is what your academic advisors are for. To help you figure out your interest and what major might best suit you. Kids go to college to find themselves because mom and dad are not there to always watch what they do or try to figure out who the parents are of the kids they choose to hang out with. You can learn time management, life, social skills, and any other things you need to succeed in college. Life is hard and college is very beneficial to anyone. Times have changed and yah computers can go out, but you can not take away what you learn and who you meet when you are in college. Since the economy is bad right now, most of the jobs that were cut were not the jobs with college degrees, but skilled jobs. The jobs where people had to use their hands to make a living instead of their minds. The last time I checked, I saw on the news that factory workers were losing jobs, not nurses. There are a lot of people that can not build a toilet, but I am literate enough to follow instructions on how to build a toilet if needed. As far as building a house, you still need people with college degrees or some form of schooling to install the lighting or make sure the measurements are correct so you do not make a lop-sided house. Do not talk about something you have no clue about and each kid is different. It is not true when people say college is not for everyone. Why would a parent be so eager to let their kids learn “life”, but only on their terms? College teaches kids about life and yah there are some people that did not need college and are doing just fine, but an education is something that no one can take away, no matter how bad you think your childhood was. To bad nowadays you need some form of college to get a good job. A good job with benefits, and excellent pay, which I have, and only been out of college for 8 months.

Parents think that setting up all these rules and boundaries for their children will help them stay out of trouble, what they don't realize is that as a kid, what you're inclined to do it break those boundaries. If you don't set up boundaries and rules for your children, odds are, they won't try them. I'm not saying to tell them to go ahead and do it, telling them that its bad to or its not a good idea is fine, but bluntly telling them that they can't and never will be able to will just make them curious and want to try. You can't control every aspect of your child's life, trying will just separate you two and make them resent you.

I've seen many articles about how parents should treat kids. Where are articles telling kids how to treat parents.

Bstewart needs to calm the f*** down. There are certain boundaries I was given living in my parents house, but they let a few things go as far as rule making to make it fair. For example, they always had to know who I would be out with and where we were going, but I never had a curfew. It was always 'let me know when it's over and i'll come get you'. At prom I was too tired to drive home from my friend's house after wards, so she let me stay over spur of the moment even though I didn't know some of those people very well, as they were friends of friends. If she had ever stolen my phone, even though there is nothing embarrassing on it, i would never trust her again. Then when something goes wrong I would never have gone to her with anything. Yes, the world is dangerous, and if you don't let your kids try some things out in groups without adults around watching out for them the whole time, they'll never learn how to look out for themselves. Then when they get to the real world where their parents can no longer help, they're more likely to get themselves into trouble.Life experiences come in all kinds, good and bad, and without a healthy balance of both we don't learn to survive in the modern world with our sanity intact.

And another thing, I wasn't a perfect teenager. I'm still not the perfect daughter. I made my mistakes, for sure. But the thing is that not all kids are taking raunchy photos of themselves on their phones, and if you've had the problem with your kids, then chances are it's your fault for being so controlling. My mother was like that raising my older sister and it took her into her late twenties to really straighten out her life. Think about it.

Michele Borba, Ed.D., is an internationally renowned educator and award-winning author who is recognized for her practical, solution-based strategies to strengthen child’s behavior, self-esteem, character, and social development, and to build strong families. A sought-after motivational speaker, she has presented workshops and keynote addresses throughout North American, Europe, Asia and the South Pacific and has served as an educational consultant to hundreds of schools and corporations.

my parents hardly let me go anywhere.... and if i want to go somewhere my sister has to tag along. i have no problem with my sister, we get along great, but i would like to have some of my own memories with my friends. i would also like to have sometime alone with my friends without my mother constantly calling me and my sister being there. it makes me feel uncomfterable and as if my parents dont trut me and are just checking up on me. How can i prove to my parents that they can trust me, if they dont give me the chance? and what really fusterates me is that when i dont think something is right and i want to say my opinion about it, it makes me a REBEL. since when does expressing your feelings make you a rebel?!? they encourage me to say what i feel. but when i do, they get angry at me. maybe that makes me the rebel, because my sister doesnt tell them anything, even when its completely unfair and nonreasonable. i guess my parrents think we have the same opinion, but they're wrong. i dont like to get told what to do, but i do understand that there is rules that i need to follow. after all they only do want the best for me.... sometimes i do try talking to my parents but they start screaming and yelling at me. i swear,they cant talk with me like civilized people for at least 5 minutes. im not a bad child. i get good grades, i do all my chores, and i help out when im asked to. i want my parents to undersatnd that i dont wont to depend on someone or something that i know is not gonna be there for me for the rest of my life. cause after they are gone, who am i gonna depend on? im going to be 14 soon, but i think that i am mature enough to handle a bit more freedom.....

I can't take anymore of these teenager comments. Yes, your mother goes through your phone. Yes, your mother checks your myspace/facebook page. Yes, your mother wants to know who you are going with, how long you will be gone, and who all will be there. Yes, your father does not want you, at 15, downtown in your state's capitol with no one there but a few other 15-16 year old children. Guess what kids, all but the former two they themselves had to deal with when they were your age. They may have hated it, but guess what, now that they're in their parent's shoes, they see EXACTLY why they did it, and you will too. The thing is, today is WORSE than when they were children, so I can't really blame the extra precautions people take. And your phone? Actually it's THEIR phone, and all those images where you're showing your goods for the sake of popularity are theirs too. Can you really blame your parents for seeing explicit pictures of their DAUGHTER and knowing that some little punk kid has them? And the facebook/myspace, if you want to announce everything about your life on the internet for everyone to read, that includes your parents.
You know what else I can't take? The way society is run now. You're not supposed to physically punish your child. No I don't mean beat them until they're black and blue, but children respect and fear the unannounced backhand, and will probably keep their tone more civil when they know it can come at anytime. But now you must just take things from them, or put them in "time out". What the heck does this do? You took away their favorite toy, alright, they move on to the next one. These "time out" kids know nothing is going to happen to them in public.
Nothing ticks me off more at the grocery store than to watch kids (not even small children, we're talking 9 to preteen) run around the store doing whatever they want. Knocking things from shelves, PLAYING with the fruit, opening boxes and generally causing mayhem for both employees and other customers. But what can you say? The parent knows what the kids doing, and probably 60% of them WANT to do something about it, but the second you jerk them, tell them to stop, swat their hand and put it on the cart, there's someone phoning CPS. Parents now are scared to get on their children for fear of getting in trouble themselves. This is absolutely wrong, and the kids are getting smarter and smarter about it.
I have a young sibling, much younger than I am, and I've seen this firsthand. He was told since he was small that he had a "chemical imbalance" in his brain, it wasn't his fault when he did bad things. This is pure BS, the kid was brilliant and whenever he wanted something and had to be good for it well I'll be damned he didn't do a single thing wrong. But at school, when the teacher would try to settle him down, it would be "No, you can't do anything to me." Or several times they tried to send him to the office it was "You can't make me, you can't touch me." Even going so far as biting the principal when he took his arm and tried to take him from the classroom, as he was disrupting the other children's learning. And guess what, the PRINCIPAL was the one who was reprimanded by the officer on the scene...my brother was just given to my mother. They're not stupid, and if they know they can get away with what they want and YOU take the fall for it, they're going to be all over it.
This is what's wrong with us today, kids can do whatever they want without fear of being reprimanded. What do you think when you see a mother pop her child in the mouth? Do you thing "Oh my god, that horrible mother just hit her child in public"? I bet you do. Did you know that little boy just told his mother "No, eff you!"? Of course you don't, you only see the child's mother as a monster. I feel very sorry for parents trying to raise children in this era of political correctness, where you are only a provider of food and shelter, the government and MTV decides what is good for your child.
Good luck out there young parents, I'm sorry you must suffer trying to raise a rebellious teenager with nothing but your words and parental settings.

I totally admire everything you have done and continue to do with Violet. I truly believe that a father's figure is extremely important in the kids life. Even though my husband is great, he was really not much involved on our son's life. he thought that by been there, physically there was enough......not the case, please be involved in your kids life. they may hate you know, but will sure appreciate when they grow up.

Mr Rich. If everyone were to do as your saying and let the government teach the kids wrong from righ.....we would be in hell right now......



nowadays kids have lost every moral value in the book.(and its a BIG book). i beleive that this is because of parents being to much of a wimp and not being able to knock some sense into their children. i mean all these "gangs" are going around everyones tryin to act like a 'G' (Gangstaaa) and they all act so ignorant its not even funny. that is what started happening when it became illegal to give your child a good hearty beating. nowadays people are more concerned with being politically correct thandoing whats right its quite sad really.

now when your kid starts toget a social life you should really give them room in my opinon the best and only way to raise a child is to try your best to teach them right from wrong, to show them how to respect their elders and their friends, to show them how to be well mannered while also being laid back, you dont have to be uptight to be a Gentlemen or Madam. after awhile though (probably about high school) youll just have to stop giving them as much direction in their life and let them form their own veiws and morals, because morals that you form yourself are ten times more likely to last than someone elses. so just let them be themselves

I first want to say you rock!!! I totally agree with you in your statement. I am only 30 years old and have a 14 year old son, yeah I know I married when I was only 14 and had my son at 15 BUT still married to my middle school sweetheart. My son is extremely intelligent. Let me start by saying how much I admire you!!! I totally agree with you in your statement. I am only 30 years old and have a 14 year old son, yeah I know I married when I was only 14 and had my son at 15 BUT still married to my middle school sweetheart and its been almost 16 years. My son is extremely intelligent; I have always, always been there for him, as a mom and a friend. His child hood was not bad at all; he had everything I wish I had when I was little. He had all electronics that were popular, playstation, xbox, Nintendo ds, PSP, cell phone when he was 10 years old, flat screen tv, brand clothing, has been wearing Jordan snickers since he was born….he had everything. Always played sports and had a life that I will say lots and lots of kids will die to have. But as he grew up, I start making him earn what he wanted; good grades will allow him to have what he likes.
He is a junior in high school and now all of a sudden my son is questioning his sexuality. Not long enough told me he was bisexual, his grades start dropping and attitude problems is a daily routine; mind you I have always been there. I have been involved in school ensuring his grades are good and that he knows that I support him. I am a professional. I have a Full time job, and currently going to school to complete my bachelor…lets not forget, I also have a 11 year old daughter.
Lots of time I question what did I do wrong???? I sure don’t like the fact that my son is questioning his sexuality but I will support him if that is what he really wants. I wonder if it has to do with the freedom I gave him. He had his own email address, social network pages and even though I thought I was doing good with him I guess I wasn’t. It wasn’t till his grades started to drop that I checked his email, his facebook and his myspace page to see that he was really struggling with something. I always gave him the space to feel free to talk to me about anything, often asking him questions about lots of issues. I had the sex talk to my son, I teach him how to fight, I have done everything for my son….and I don’t know what else to do with him. I took everything away from him, cell, electronics, tv, house phone, computer access….Sorry I know its long and I probably lost you but my point is….providing your teenager with everything they want JUST because you want them to fit in is not the right thing to do. They need to learn that what they want is a luxury that most of us didn’t have when their age. They need to EARN IT!!!!!!!! don’t forget that just being there is not enough, they do need some space but not enough to make them think that they can do stuff and us as parents wont realize it. I check everything on his room, he probably hates me now but I am doing it for his best. He has NO PRIVACY!!!!!! This was his choice. I continue to give him support and making sure he knows I am here! And please, please, please always listen and study your kids. Its not easy for them to tell you when something is wrong, no matter how good your relationship with them is. Peer Pressure is very powerful!!!!!!!

After reading all of these comments and filtering through those who truly had/have problems and those who are whining to simply hear themselves whine, I understand a bit better the issue at hand. Kids are humans. They have emotions and thoughts and desires that are their's and their's alone. Everyone is an individual regardless of the hopes and dreams of their parents. We all want the best for our children, but are we really in control of that "best"? As Kahlil Gibran said in his book "the Prophet" our children are not ours. We birth them and raise them, but in the end they are here for the world. They belong to the world and to themselves. The more you say "nay" the more our children will have the desire to feel the world out for themselves. We are all drawn towards the outside world in some way or another. Be your children's rock and their role model, and show them through example why "this" is "this" and "that" is "that". Be their friend and their teacher and their disciplinarian when necessary. Praise in public, punishment at home. As a mother I understand the overwhelming need to protect, but sometimes that protection is actually what hurts your child. Breathing room is key to a child's developement. The world goes 'round because of individuals. If we all truly thought and acted the same we would all be robots. Imagine a world with no genius or new ideas. BLEH!! Not one I would want to be in. On the flipside, as much as we want to make our children's lives pain free and easy breezy, that would defeat the entire purpose of life. Life is not fair or pain free. Learning only comes through experience as was so appropriately stated when compared to burning your hand on the stove. We all live on this little blue and green planet together. Whether we like it or not. So could we atleast attempt to make everyone's time here as enjoyable as possible? We have enough trials and tribulaions with nature. The Golden Rule is truly the best rule.


Be good to each other

I am 21 years old and in college. I was raised with very little limitations on where I went and what I did. As long as I didn't get in any trouble with the law and got good grades than I was alright. Growing up I experimented with drugs and hung out with bad people, but I think it made me who I am today. Parents should allow their kids to experience things for themselves and be good role models at the same time. Eventually kids grow out of the stupid things and want to be like their mom or dad.

I am soo a victim of #3, the worst part ? I'm almost 19 years old.. I'm not allowed to go most places on my own. If I'm going out with my friends(which never happens, because it's an overly annoying process), I have to take my brother, it's extremely unfair. On my 15th birthday I went to the mall with my 2 friends and my brother, because one of my friends was a guy after the whole day my brother had to report everything that I did that day, and I got in trouble because my guy friend put his head on my shoulder at one point. Now when I want to go out I have to ask days before, for permission then I have to report everything that I'm going to do, who I'm going to see, etc. etc. Then my parents will call in every 15 minutes to check up on me. I still do not have a license because of this. I do have a boyfriend, and my dad is just now starting to get used to the idea (almost 3 years into the relationship). Now, you all may think that I must've done something utterly horrible to deserve this, that I must be a delinquent of some kind, you're completely wrong. I don't get in trouble, I got good grades in school, graduated high school, got accepted into college, etc.etc. I've done very well overall, and yet my brother still has much more freedom than I (got held back twice, did poorly in school, isn't going to college). I have tried to reason with my parents, but they're argument is that I should appreciate that I have parents that care. In highschool my teachers felt bad for me and agreed that my parents should let up. I wish I had parents that weren't so strict.

I am a mother of 3 sons and two daughters, two kids are teenagers. This article is nothing new or informative. It is a blanket set of guidelines that doesn't pertain to today's family. My mother died when I was young. I had 3 stepmothers who were very intolerant of myself and my siblings and made our home life a living Hell. I didn't have many friends, but I knew what was right in my heart. I made mistakes, big ones too, and I could have easily gone down a very bad path. But I had self respect, and I knew I was much more than what I was told. My father was physically and emotionally abusive. I rose above that, got a college degree, have been married 21 years, and have the family I've always wanted....I am not a perfect parent, nobody is. I am strict but fair, my kids have just about everything they've ever wanted, but I make them appreciate it. I take phone privileges away when warranted, and make them do chores and turn off the video games when necessary. I do my best, but sometimes raising kids, especially teens, leaves a parent overwhelmed and underappreciated, so I do make mistakes and lose my cool. I'm only human after all, but I love my children and they are my world. I am still not very social and avoid gatherings and would much rather stay home with my family, but I'm ok wtih it, and so are my kids. My oldest graduates this year, and his friends treat our house like a second home. The other teen is more dramatic, but baby steps will help us understand one another in the long run. Agree to disagree. This is why I deliberately don't make friends with the school moms. I think some adults are more judgement than they should be, yet expect their children to act perfect. I see right through it. With me, what you see is what you get. I'll parent my way, and you yours.

I'm 15 turning 16 this year.my mom doesn't over protect me or any thing..but i got the other end of that stick.instead of being all in my business, I'm allowed to do anything pretty much(so long as i don't get took by the police.). i have no curfew,i don't go to school(going back this year),and i can remember doing this since about 4th grade(the curfew thing,i didn't start skipping until 5th grade). and through it all, making all the wrong friends.long story short, we can all see i f*cked my life up,and IM working on rebuilding it,

But to parents. Don't over protect. but don't give them so much freedom you find your kid coming home high everyday. and dont know why or who got him/her started.
thats pretty much all i wanted to get across.

Violet spent most of her time with her mother, a person with no interest in being a parent, just the need to be Violet's friend. Any misbehavior was admonished and perhaps a token consequence assessed. Violet learned that all she had to do was wait for 24-48 hours and all privileges would be restored. Violet's behavior got worse, so mommy decided that a diagnosis was necessary and visited a psychiatrist who gladly prescribed a spectrum of drugs in increasing strength as Violet's behavior continued to deteriorate. In response to the increased doses, Violet's instability actually got worse. Until the day arrived that she attacked her step father and was thrown out of her home, becoming the responsibility of her biological father. Basically, Violet was abandoned by her mother when she most needed her.

During her troubled time, Violet's father tried in vain to effect change, to reason with mom, to bring different viewpoints, to let Violet detox.

Three months later, Violet takes no medication and is a much easier person to have around. What's hardest is that she takes no responsibility for her part in the trouble we've experienced and neither does her mother. How do think Violet got that way? It may take months more to fix this, but someone has to be there for her

Parents can do an awful lot of damage. Parents who disagree with each other in their roles as parents can cause even worse havoc. There's nearly always one good guy and one bad and very rarely is there a united front.

So, any teenagers out there who are screwed up: learn to talk civilly and respectfully with your parents. Earn their trust, earn your place on this planet. You do not have any rights!!! Not to cell phones, to computers, to cars. You need to understand that these items are earned, and that the only way to earn is to work. This is a figurative statement. I'm not just talking about having a job. Finally, you do NOT have the right to demand an explanation for my request to perform a task or for a reason that you can't do something. You rely on me for EVERYTHING, and I'll be damned if any teenager will demand justification from me. My reason is as follows (remember it): I'm older than you and have probably made a ton of mistakes, some of which involve exactly what I'm telling you not to do.

Any teenager who takes issue with the words "because I said so" is dead right. It's a cop out not worth the breath wasted to say it.

I hope that every child has someone in their life who cares about them enough to support them in their dreams and to do the work needed to keep them safe while letting them grow. Too many children grow up too fast or learn terrible lessons from their parents.

I failed my daughter by not fighting hard enough for her and now she is arriving at the end of her childhood damaged and scarred.

And I want to tell her I'm sorry.

I'm going to hit 45 in two weeks. I have a 16 year old daughter and 12 year old son and am divorced for nearly nine years.

Here's some stuff I've learned:

1. keep it quiet, even when you're disappointed and upset. Save a good yell for when you really need to make an impact.

2. listen more than you talk and DO NOT belittle your children, especially in front of their peers.

3. NEVER, EVER trust that your kids are capable of making good decisions all the time. Allow them freedom, but be prepared to do a little detective work.

4. Don't extend privileges unless they're earned.

5. Don't let a computer be your babysitter. Install tracking software and tell your child it's there. Check it randomly and ask questions about what you don't approve of.

6. If you're going to let them use social networking sites, get their passwords and login info. If they've nothing to hide, this shouldn't be a problem.

7. be supportive. if your child expresses an interest in something that will challenge them (and is safe), let them try it and go with them to cheer them on EVEN IF IT'S SOMETHING YOU HATE.

There are a million more and, if you care about the small people that you're responsible for, you will never stop learning about being a parent.

It helps to be able to accept disappointment. It helps to accept the fact that you are not going to do a perfect job and that you are going to screw up. And it helps to know that every parent/child relationship is different because kids don't come with a user guide and every parent has their own issues that influence the dynamic.

My daughter has been grounded for the last three months and is living full time with me. She was thrown out of her mother's house. Her mother is an overly permissive helicopter parent who thinks that letting your kids have everything they want will make them love you and result in productive, respectful, well mannered children.

My daughter thinks I'm ruining her life. Here's why she's grounded: repeated alcohol abuse, physical and verbal abuse of her mother, drug use, sexual misconduct, disobedience, breaking curfew, sneaking out at night. There are a few other things that I'll not bore you with.

Let's call my daughter Violet. A girl who has everything she could possibly want with absolutely no expectations placed on her at all. Her one saving grace was that she was doing ok in school. I say ok because she's in the gifted range IQ wise and manages a solid 85 average with some honors classes. Violet was allowed to spend as much time as she wanted on the computer, spend as much time as she wanted with "friends" and had a high end phone with unlimited texting.

Ok first, people lay off the spelling! There are more important things to get your pants in a wad about! I myself, have trouble spelling but it comes from a learning dis. So i try my best, and that is all I can do! So lay off!

Well I'm almost 36 with a soon to be 16 year old! I had her 3 days before my 20th b day. I spent the first part of her life trying to find out who I was! Running the streets, doing things I shouldn't have been doing, and allowing my daughter to be raised by my mother-in-law. When she turned 6, I had a miscarriage and found out that I had female problems and couldn't have any more kids! Well that woke me up!! All i could think about, was if this kid ended up hating me, who was going to take of me when I was old! I changed my life and dropped my so called friends! I became the mother that I am now proud of! We are close, and we talk a lot! I give what i like to call life lessons! About school, boys, ect.! I tell her that i should know cause I almost messed up all of that! I was raised in strict christen home, where church and bible ver. were more important than school. I was kept close to home, and wasn't allowed to do most of the things my friends did. By high school, I'm trying to rebel like my sister did! Well next thing I know I'm moved 700 miles from my home town to a sub. of ATL. I was 16. I met and fell in love with my husband 2 weeks after I moved. So I turned to him as my rebelous outlet! Well fast foward 20 years and were still married! my daughter is an A, B student with her own learning dis., but because I saw in her what I had problems in myself, we had her in a program very early! She has never had a boyfriend, or even held hands! She says that I have shown her what can happen if try to grow up to early! I don't keep in the house, and is allowed to go hang with the friends, but because we have such a great household, she had rather stay home! I've been getting her ready for collage for 8 yrs, cause no one talked to me about what I was going to do after High School. She already has a school picked out in the field she wants to go in! Her friends tell her all the time that she's got the best parents in the world and they love hanging out at the house, to the point I have to ask them to go home so we can go to bed! I'm glad that things turned out the way they did, cause it could have gone a whole another way!! Only 3 more years of high school, and then 4 more years of collage! then maybe I can take a nap, until then I'm here for her and that is my job!

yeah, my spelling was atrocious, but i can barely read the font.

)
I think you have it right. If you're going to mess up or make any mistakes when you're a teenager is the time to do it. I'm 31 now and have a 10 month old sone, and I hope every day that I do not become a so-called helicopter parent, I want my child to be able to meke their own decisions, i'm not saying, let a 2 year old make ramen noodles or eat just chocolate cake all day everyday, but to make there own to trust them enough when they are teenagers to make the right decisions, my parents pretty much let me be myself come jr high, i picked my classes, friends, sports, etc and made it through with a full ride to college, without my mom or dad sitting on top of me forcing me into what they wanted. I believe you are completely correct in your opinion and wish you the best. the most my parents did was ask where i was going and when i'd be home and if i was staying over someones house for the phone number in case of emergency, I didn't think that was over protective or invasive. I hope to teach my child to make the right decisions, and when he makes mistakes let him realize it. Good luck to all parents may they do what they believe is best for their children and may it come out great in the end.

I HAVE YET TO SEE ANYTHING SAID ABOUT PARENTS RIGHTS.... someone answer this for me since this is any issue.. I have a 13 your old daughter which I give her space and privacey only thing I ask of her is focus on the grades and less on the boys. I don't listen to her converstations or anything. I gave her a cell phone for FAMILY use only and when I went to pay the bill I saw all these phone numbers...so I asked to see her cell phone and what did I find? she was sending texts messages to this boy and it was explicit things!! Now I was very angry and I let her know I was upset and didn't yell or anything. Her response was she felt left out because her friends had boyfriends too so I have one now and told me to deal with it! Now what would any of you do in this situation? It seems teens seem to know more so please respond to this issue.

Ok to the young man named justin here's how this works since you seem to have all this knowledge go ahead get a job and don't ask your parents for a red cent.

Now here's a little tid bit for you parents... your not parents any more your just care givers that's it! The government will see fit what is right and wrong for that child all you provide is food and shelter! nothing more. In the near future you will no longer be able to disapline your children if so your in the hot seat. So what do you do? it's simple just take things from them that they like...wait that wont work they will just learn to not miss it and will have no effect. Try talking to your child...wait hmm.. that may not work. Oh about this suggestion let kids raise each other and leave the parents out of it!! that way oh no that won't work because they are going to end up blaming you parents for their mistakes anyway right?

To the first post on this page: so you know everything about the world huh? I got a dandy idea for you: move out now, get a job and put yourself thru school. Since you seem to know exactly how the world works. I used to be like you, i knew everything except how the world really works.

To everyone else: My mother was all these things and more: overbearing, overprotective, hyperclean, matchmaker and judge-think lois from malcom in the middle-that was my mother. I got a dirt-bike from my dad-she kept taking the sparkplug so i couldn't ride it. My dad bought me a car, she took the battery and the tires so i couldn't drive it!!! She tried to play matchmaker-not happening!!! I moved out when i was 20, i made a lot of serious mistakes because no one taught me the right and wrongs of the real world. Parents need to be parents and not buddies nor do they need to do what was done to me. My sister is raising my nephew the right way-when he does something wrong-he gets a swat on the ass-he's already a proper little gentleman, and i made a deal with her not to pry into his social life when he grows up-he has to learn to pay his bills, make friends, and live in the real world with out a safety net. I only hope that other prospective parents get the picture before ruining someone else's childhood with playdates, and overparenting in the wrong areas. Im all for spanking an unruly child, i just don't think that you should coddle them either-they gotta make mistakes like we all do........................

The thing about kids these days are that they are too spoiled and given too much rights that they forget about respect. It's right that we should give space to kids but what the hell are you going to do if your kid is just plain rebellious?? They like imitating what they see on tv or in the movies thinking that it's the cool and hip thing to do. What I think is that there should simply be balance which is understanding from both sides.

I'm not a mother and I'm just 19 but I have a very good relationship with my mom. Sometimes she oversteps the fine line but I learned to understand because sometimes I do, too. Believe me, I'm not the sweet, nice girl next door but I respect my mom so much.

Having your child go to community college before going to a 4 year university is a GOOD idea when they don't know what they want to do. She might resent you at first but she'll appreciate it in the long run. I didn't know what I wanted to do and went to a 4 year college right after high school, did horribly, got kicked out, and took a year off to figure out what I wanted to do. I'm now 23 and still havent graduated because of changing my major, moving, and switching schools. I wish my parents had made me go to community college for 2 years before going to a 4 year, but unfortunately, we didn't know. They learned from my mistakes and have made my younger brother go to community college before allowing him to go to a 4 year. The way I see it, if you're paying for your child's education, you should get more say in where they go. If she doesn't like that, she can try to get student loans by herself, but that won't be easy. Have a serious talk with her and let her know exactly what you're thinking and feeling. Let her know that money IS an issue. She's old enough to understand and if she still insists on going away to college, think about taking out loans to help.

my heart reaches out: to hear the words , i'm proud of you ,help me to learn to have others in my life. i need to receive and give and vice versa , so that i may not always want , but to also appreciate.i want to take part , not take apart. i want to know i;m accepted, not just tolerated. to know that i'm protected and also held accountable. i prefer emotional bonds to emotional bondage, to have strong ties to, not to be strongly tied to. i would rather have physical freedom, not just to be free from. to be allowed to have my dignity. i would like to have boundaries and limitations, not barricades and restrictions. i like to be treated as i were precious not fragile. i want to feel safe enough to be vulnerable, without needing to be indestructable. to fill my curiosity about how the world works, and why, and how, i fit into the picture. to be ME, whoever i am... i want to share, not exist.

I would have to agrre with a few of the people here. Every kid is different. And a few of these rules, in my opinion, are good and a few are not. Teahcing a child is difficult, and every child learns differantly, so these rules can't work with EVEYONE

I am 35 and have 2 children 1 17 who graduates this year (boy) and one 14 who is in 8th grade (girl). I've tried the things both ways lieniant and strict. If I was strict they acted out if I was lieniant they took a mile. So now I have basic chores and they have to keep grades up and they pretty much can do whatever if chores and grades are kept up. I try to trust that what I have shown them and tried to teach them has done some good. Yes they will not always do what we think is best or they maybe should have thought more before doing something totally stupid but we didn't always listen or think things through. Sometimes they do have to learn from own experience (right or wrong) Just love them and be there for them and always be honest and that should go both ways. I guess honesty is the most important.

ya don't know ya talking about, not every kid is made by machine, their personalities r different, stupid rules. Ya know what made us human? that we can not be train like animals by rules but love, different way to show that can't be described in these 10 rules or in few words. Sometimes you have to be hardship parents to make your kids better, they get mad but they will see the purpose when they grew up. Lead them but don't control them, be strict on them but don't abuse them, love them but don't spoil them, sacrify for them but don't be their slaves.

This particular point is NEVER mentioned in any article on "good parenting":
Custodial mothere MUST permit the children to see their father strictly according to the parenting time schedule.
Anything else tells the children that Dad takes second place to
(if there's fears of violence, etc., take it to court and change the schedule).
Thank you.
Rick Carter
The FATHER'S RIGHTS LIBRARY
http://fathersrightslibrary.bravehost.com

I would have to disagree with some things. I had to drug addict and alcoholic parents, but that never hinder me from making or keeping long distance friends. I have 2 girls 3 and 7 and they couldn't be more different. One is shy and the other is very outgoing. My 7 year old has a hard time understanding that she can have more then one friend, but i don't make her have more then one either. I just keep explaining that its okay to be friends with different people and she's getting better about it. My 3 year old can make friends with anyone on the playground she has not a shy bone in her body. I have a hard time realating to people my own age so my friends are all older then me. But i was told that was because of the short childhood i had. I think it depends on your personality and your ability to cope outside your comfort zone.

Stop whining. If you don't like the way things are done, then figure out a way to change them...that goes for people of all ages. You can only blame other people for so long before we stop feeling sorry for you. As a high school English teacher I have seen many parents who make life difficult for their kids. I have seen kids who use that as an excuse to never do anything, but I have also had students who make the best of the situation and change it to make it better for themselves. And to the 14 year old who says spelling doesn't matter, stop making excuses! It does matter. If you're not good at it, that's okay, but spellcheck and proofread before you post...adults, too.

I wasn't the type of kid to have friends, Inever had a best friend. But I wouldn't blame it on my parents, they were the best. I chose not to have friends, even if they tried to talk to me about making friends and such...it was my choice. So they didn't hinder my friendship skills..I hindered them myself. I am a mother of 3 now, I think that if my child was hanging out with the wrong people, I think I have the right to butt in and eves drop. I think saving my childs life is way more important than him/her having friends

To Special Father: It is Great to hear that there are still Fathers like yours around. For you to even acknowledge what you have speaks volumes about your maturity and upbringing. I'm sure you already have but just in case, tell your Father how much you appreciate him. You are a Great kid! There need to be more "MEN" like this procreating instead of the Dead beat dads we constantly read about! For far too long Fathers have been given a bad rap because some unambitiouz,uneducated,unsupportive jackhole deceides he wants to "get with" her to add a notch. All of which you will never be... become Great.

I believe in everything they are stating.... and to this day as a 22 year old and a mother of 2 I still am having issues with connecting to people because of how I was treated as a child.... I had a mother who gave me up in my second grade year to my father so she could be with her man. And so that they can do drug with out having to worry about taking care of her children.... so then I went to live with my father... and he got with this women who basically did not give a damn about his kids and abused us and belittled us.... It was a bad situation... I could not have friends, talk on the phone, attend and school activities outside of school... I had a horrible life from every one who has brought me in this world... So now I have struggles with sticking to things... My jobs, school, and relationships and yes even friendships!! It has been a hard expierence for me but I am trying to over come everything that has brought me down and I as a person want to be better for my children and prove myself not only to them but to myself also

I'm a mom of 2 girls 3rd and 6th grade. It is a very difficult thing to parent....the right way. I can't say that I haven't broke any of the rules but I do my best to reel it back in when I cross a boundary. I think it is especially difficult because I am my 6th graders homeroom teacher. I am privvy to what goes on in "her" world and that adds to the complexity because I know about all of her friends, her private moments with friends are not private from me. Like I said I think we all do the best we can and articles like this give us some much needed advice and tools to help us. Thanks!

I was always the quite kid in my family. My mom always wanted me to be a cheerleader, be "popular" and be in many school groups. I felt that she was trying to live through me, becuase she never got to do any of that in her High School years, due to her dropping out when she found out she was preganant with me. I really wish my mom would have followed a few of these rules! I may not have had as hard of a time with my social life. Now that I have been out of High School for 2 years, she is much better about everything!

...there are times as parents we have to break some of those rules. One of my stepdaughters consistenly chooses kids that are on the edge. They influence her to do bad things including stealing from her older sister and making remarks about our family. Sometimes you have to eavesdrop or butt in to be a good parent. Sadly, showing children the right things to do isn't always enough, especially with a child whose personality is to be easily swayed.

In all honesty - the best "10" list I have read - EVERY PARENT should read and follow - real simple and not too hard to follow! Good advice - don't see why anyone would fuss about these - but it could be like church, though - the minister stops preaching and started stepping on toes - maybe that's why folks are fussing - it's hitting too close to home! LOL! Dr. Borba, you get an A+ for the perfect list!

Get over yourselves... Yes, you had rough lives, however, it is up to you to let it go and move forward. Learn from the things that were done to you and move on. Holding grudges is never the right way to live life. Forgive your parents for the things they did that you didn't like, and ensure that you don't do the same to your children when you have them. Perhaps even find the good in what your parents did for you instead of focusing on the bad. It is possible that no matter what your parents did, you could still be the assholes you are whining about what a tough life you had instead of just moving forward and DOING SOMETHING to make it better now that you are an adult!

jaycarl,

I think it's great that you appreciate your father... Now go tell him what you posted here, I'm sure he would love to hear it... or forward this article and your response to him.

So many people here are focusing on the negatives and I thought it was wonderful seeing someone write about how good their parent is, especially in light of the topic of the article and most of the responses.

i'm a young mom and i have to say that all of this does make sense. parents that micro-manage and never set the right examples themselves screw up their kids more than they know. my mom was like that, she always had something to say about everything i did when i wasn't her perfect A student anymore. i was growing up and trying to feel out the environment around me. i was never a bad kid, i had a great dad who was a great man, i looked up to him just like this article says about being a role model parent. the only problem he had was he always wanted to be my friend more than a parent, so he wasn't perfect. anyway, my mom was a drug addict and i even found out she was prostituting herself to support her habit. but of course she always had the nerve to tell me how to live my life and what kind of teen is going to listen to a mom like that? of course not all moms fall under this category, but some other moms do screw up their kids lives when they think they're helping. for one we need to set he example and be the type of people we want our kids to be (biggest one! i know too many parents that get mad easily and further get upset when their kids copy their attitude problems). if we want our kids to be productive citizens who respect the people around them, we need to do the same thing. some parents may find this article insulting, but that's what's wrong with some parents, we need to always remain open minded about what's going on around us. the saying may go "mama knows what's best" but remember how many times we screwed up when our first baby was born? i know i did.. and i don't expect it to get any easier to avoid mistakes when my kids become teenagers. i hope we all learn something here and instead of sit and criticize.

This was a great article. I am a new mom but I honestly remember what it was like to be a kid - especially a teenager. One of the trends that I have noticed in parenting is the following: Parents who were not rebellious as kids did not understand their kids at all and therefore bred highly rebellious, pissed off kids. Parents who were incredibly rebellious and pissed off as teens (the ones that finally got themselves together) typically have very well behaved, not-so-rebellious, well adjusted children. Could this be because these formerly rebellious teens now turned parents remember the reasons that they fought their parents so hard and now make crazy attempts to not make the same mistakes as a parent? I know growing up in my house I was constantly preached to that I should respect my parents. However, my parents never respected me and it goes both ways. Anything emotion that I had I was told that I was just being dramatic, anything that was important to me I was told that it shouldn't be important to me (like my clothes or my hair). I remember spending 2 hours on my hair one day when I was 15 and my dad rolled down the windows of the car. When I asked him to roll them up, please and use the A/C because I had just taken two hours to do my hair he laughed and said that silly things like that don't matter in life. But, sorry, to a 15 year old girl going to high school, they do. Why should any child respect or listen to his/her parents if they never listen to their child. So, yes, these things are so important that were in this article and I hope that parents learn from this.

To all the kids posting on here who say they want an explaniation, sometimes "Because I said so." is the only way to explain what a parent means. Something that you can't understand until you have kids that you worry about all the time. Every parent/child relationship is different but the one thing that is the same is that we all worry. We worry about when you drive around with your friends because we don't know how responsible your friends are or how responsible other drivers on the road will be. We worry about you being at Taco Bell and the place being held up. As a parent your mind races 24/7 wondering what you are doing and if you are ok. This includes when you are asleep in your room. Let's face it, people are not as kind and honest as they were 50 or 60 years ago. Your parents were only blessed with ONE of you. If something happens they will not get a replacement!!

Ok.. so reading my comment and saw an error in my own spelling Have been knocked off my Grammar high horse, thank you very much!

After reading the "List" and comments that followed, I found I needed to respond.
First, let me say the spelling displayed in the comments is horrible! Not only spelling by the teenagers, who, by the way, should be able to spell far better than they seem to be, but by the adults as well. Seriously people, spelling is rather important.

Now, on to the meat of the issue. I am a perent to two girls, aged 18 and 6. As a young parent I was a helicopter parent, hovering over and micro-managing every aspect of my oldest daughters life. I picked out her clothes, told her which clubs to join, and what types of people I believed would make the best friends. When she reached the eighth grade, and every friend I had hand-picked for her turned their backs and began to torment and abuse her, I realized how much damage I had done to her well being and social learning.

Needless to say, she now has her own friends, her own intrests, and her own life. She has become the person I thought she could be, but she has done it on her own terms and in her own grubby jeans.

My youngest daughter has benefitted from the experience, being allowed to be her own odd little person from day one. My point is simply this, allow your children to be who they are, even if goes against everything you ever wanted for them. Be there for them, let them know they are loved, respected, and valued as human beings. Above all else, all children are different, some need more parenting and some need less, judge each child on their own merits and parent accordingly.

While I'd love to jump on the bandwagon and blame my dad for making me super shy, it's not his fault. He only sometimes made me interact with complete strangers, and it was small stuff.
But still, it sucks knowing that I was born stupid shy. Far beyond shy and even painfully shy.

It is really something for me to read all this, the comments and storey. I see so many with horrible spelling adults and children alike, I admit I am not much of a speller myself, but this is really something?!
The other thing that amazes me, is, ok I am 47, and raised a couple kids, I did the samething as a teen mom, I said I was NOT going to be like my parants, and so I wasnt, I had no clue how to parant even though I started babysitting at the age of 10, and was doing pin diapers by age 5....neve once picked a baby by the way! I remember using a sharp peiring knife by the time I was 3, I dont believe I have met a 3 year old that I would put a knife in their hands yet! NOT even my own kids at that age! Yet I never cut myself! I took the be a friend with rules so to speak approach to raising my kids, after all I sorta grew up WITH them. They had some boundries, but I wanted them to know they needed to learn somethings on their own with me as back up if learning wasnt quite what they thought it would be. As adults now, they are great people, sure they have some short comings, as we all do. But they have some pretty great qualities too. I dont think any child comes with an instruction book at birth, but, if given a chance to do it over, I dont think I would change too much. I lacked in showing them better responcibilities, and so they lack that too, but for the most part, I have always lived with do onto others as you would have others do unto you. I find so many young parants that let go too far, and unsupervise their children totally. The parants are too into themselves and dont seem to give a care about their children. I was told that you dont have to change your life just because you have children.....I think that is totally wrong!
I got way off coarse, but I think as each person is different, so are your children, taking time to actually know your child is the first step in raising them to be individuals. Parants please take the time to know your child before you start telling them how to live or complain about how aweful they are. If you want respect show them respect! If you want them to be responsible, give them responsibilities!

The most important thing you can do is let your kids have a social life. My family was very obsessive about sending me off to college for engineering for my whole life, and basically tried to squish my creativity by telling me "you can't" or "you don't want to" whenever I wanted to do anything that wasn't math or that they didn't also like to do themselves. I didn't have many friends, so many people seemed to have some kind of issue with me that I still don't understand. (Though, I realize now that it's because I stutter and am an easy target for abuse) My mom would always tell me that they're just jealous because I'm smart. Since I didn't have anyone else to talk to most of the time, I mostly talked to my parents, who didn't hesitate to use the time to feed me more pressure to go to college if I ever wanted to truly please them. I was basically not allowed to even be a kid, since I was expected to be perfect in just about every way.

Once I went to college, I ended up failing out because of learning disorders I never knew I had until I was formally diagnosed with them when I was 20. So much for their huge plan...

During my sophomore year of high school*
I'm sorry, that was confusing.