By Sujeiry Gonzalez, Author of Love Trips: A Collection of Relationship Stumbles
For many women, the first week after a breakup goes a little something like this:
Hide under the covers. Sob uncontrollably while watching reruns of "Sex and the City." Play "I Will Survive" to feel empowered. Sob uncontrollably because Aretha Franklin has a man, while you are single again. Talk to your girlfriends and feel better. Take a shower. Sob uncontrollably in the shower. Repeat sequence.
The cycle eventually ends in reflection. We ask ourselves what went wrong and what part we played in the demise of our love affair. Well, it just may be one of these seven mistakes women make in relationships.
7 Things NOT to Do In A Relationship
1. Drunk Dialing: If you're upset at your partner, put down the booze and step away from the phone. Alcohol triggers deep-seated emotions that roar once the sweet nectar brushes our lips. Once inebriated, drunk dialing ensues. Like a clumsy boxer, you attack your lover verbally, slurring through the conversation. In the end, the relationship suffers. He thinks, "What happened to the cool, confident woman he fell in love with?" Too much Bacardi and Coke, that's what.
2. Facebook Stalking: Facebook has changed the way the world communicates. It also drives women to stalk their boyfriends online. If he hasn't returned your phone call or text, you check his Facebook profile. (He just updated his status! Why didn't he call me back?) If he went out with friends, you spend the night scanning his photos. (Who's that girl he's hugging?) And, of course, there's the dreaded relationship status. (I changed my status to "In a Relationship." Why is his status still hidden?)
Ultimately, stalking his Facebook profile shows a lack of trust. No man wants to be with that woman.
Related: Why Ask Why? After the Breakup?
3. "I'm Fine": Your boyfriend asks what's wrong. You turn to him, shrug and say, "I'm fine," though you want to kick him for not remembering your birthday or changing his Facebook relationship status. As women, we "I'm fine" men to death. We let our anger simmer for fear of rocking the boat or just because we want him to "figure it out." This is an unhealthy tactic. No matter what you fear or assume, you must communicate with your partner. If you don't, then he will think everything is "fine." Until you drunk dial.
4. Nag, Nag, Nag: You tell him what's wrong. Every minute of the day. That's a big no-no! As women, we must give men time to process our feelings, especially when it's a serious matter. When we nag and push, men withdraw. They begin to see us as negative and that is so not sexy. So speak your mind, give him space... and regroup once you are both ready to tackle the issues.
5. Ignoring the Blaring Red Flags: Often times, instead of ending a relationship, men call less, text less and show up less. Still, we push for the relationship. We believe there is a chance for change because he hasn't ended the relationship. The thing is men hardly ever end relationships. They show us through actions, and in many cases... it's their inaction that shows us they want out. That's when we must stop fighting for a relationship that no longer exists.
Related: 5 Things Women Wish Men Knew
6. Talking About/Comparing Exes: Nothing kills a relationship faster than talking about your ex-boyfriend and comparing him to your current beau.This leads your partner to feel insecure, with good reason. He doesn't need to know that your ex gave you multiple orgasms or that he was the one that got away. If you are still dwelling on your last boyfriend, you shouldn't be with your new one.
7. Compromise Is Not Sacrifice: Women sacrifice themselves for the good of all. We are everything to everyone, forgetting about our needs and what makes us happy. In romantic relationships, we suck it up and "compromise" on relationship deal breakers because we are afraid of the consequences. We hold it in because we want to be the perfect girl. The thing is there is no such thing as perfect.
So, when you are in your next relationship, take note of these common mistakes. Remember who you are and what you stand for. Leave the drama, self-sacrifice and mistrust behind, and self-analyze to find solace in heartache. Remembering what NOT to do can give you better chance at lasting love.
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Sujeiry Gonzalez is the “Latina Carrie Bradshaw” with a little more sass, a lot more Bacardi and a ton of laughs. Previously a dating blogger for Latina.com, this funny and vibrant relationship (non)expert is currently the New York Modern Love Examiner for Examiner.com. She has been featured on the PIX Morning News and La Mega (97.9FM) and has rocked the single gal relationship market since 2006. Sujeiry recently published Love Trips: A Collection of Relationship Stumbles, the ultimate what-not-to-do relationship book as it chronicles her failed relationships and attempts at love.