The scales of love in a relationship aren't always balanced. Often, one partner may actually feel more 'in love' than the other. It can be OK, unless it continues for a long period of time, according to Jennifer Oikle, Ph.D., relationship psychologist, dating coach, and founder of MySoulmateSolution.com. Dr. Oikle says longlasting relationships require each partner to settle into stable and fairly equitable levels of love. If you find yourself tumbling head over heels in new relationships, here are Dr. Oikle's tips for keeping emotions in check so that the relationship can grow-- on both sides.
1. Go SLOW- do not jump in with your whole heart- get to know the person so you don’t fall in love with the idea of him, but the actual person and what he is offering you (not what you hope or wish he’ll offer you.)
2. Limit the mental space you give him- avoid thinking about him all of the time, which creates a habit of preoccupation which can lead to obsession- which definitely isn’t based on who he is- but the idea of him, and will make moving on more difficult to do.
3. DO NOT envision or plan the future in your head, or plug him into your life before you know whether he is worthy of being a big part of your life. STAY in the moment. Enjoy what’s in front of you and let go of the need to define “what this is” or “where this is going.” Simply enjoy and allow it to unfold without clinging to what you hope will happen.
4. Stay active in your own life, with your own passions and pursuits. Stay active with friends, hobbies, activities that do NOT involve him. If your world doesn’t revolve around him, but he’s only a piece of your world- then you are solid, stable, and less vulnerable should he leave the picture. If he’s your whole world- you’ll be devastated. Never lose your Sense of Self!
5. Also, never tie your sense of worth (or your feeling good) to how he’s behaving toward you. You are beautiful, talented, and loveable no matter who he is, what he feels, or how he acts- never lose sight of that!
Okay, so what if it's the opposite? He is smitten by you and you're getting turned off by his intensity?