Men do not want to argue with women. No, seriously. Not saying they won’t do it, just saying that they despise it. Full disclosure, the very idea of being caught in an emotionally vulnerable moment is… oh, what’s a good word?
I can hear your question right now. “Marcus are you saying that if offered a choice between throwing up and admitting that he cried at the end of “The Notebook”, most guys would choose to bury their faces in a barf bag?”
Errrrrrrrrr…yes. And it doesn’t matter how enlightened or evolved the man claims to be; when it comes to the exposition of real, raw, emotions, guys will fight it. And they will fight it like Luke Skywalker fought the dark side of The Force.
Do men want to be that way? Well, no. But it’s something that they simply can’t help. Guys are genetically predisposed to hide feelings. Why? Because openly baring emotions equals weakness. Ladies often say that they admire a guy who’s unafraid to bare his soul and shed a tear. Okay, sure. They do want Mr. Sensitivity, and that guy may get a pass at first. But if he bares that bleeding heart too often, the lady eventually thinks, “too soft” and she’s out of there! An inconvenient truth… women get the lifetime emotional hall pass, guys… do not.
This will shock many women, but when couples argue, guys are often hurt by many of women’s mid-fight retorts and declarations. And just as guys know that there are certain buzzwords and statements guaranteed to be a roadblock to reaching any resolution, women should know that there is a female equivalent. Guys have feelings, too!
So allow me to assist you. I’ve comprised a list of a few particular words and phrases that are guaranteed to cut a guy’s ego in half no matter how he may react outwardly. So here we go…
1.“I’ll just talk to someone who understands me!” – So, you’re saying that I’m such an awful partner, that I’ve spent all this time with you without paying attention to your particular emotional needs? Wow. That hurts.
2.“You never….” – This is a particularly hurtful statement. Why? Because by saying, “You never…”, you’ve essentially made it clear that something he most likely has done at least periodically was a waste of time and effort because you didn’t notice it anyway. And you can’t save the situation by saying, “Well, you know what I mean.” Nope. We don’t know what you mean. We don’t read minds. We know what you’ve said, though.
3.“You always…” – See above.
4.“I just can’t talk to you.” – This stings. All we ever want to do is make you happy. It may not always seem like it, but generally that’s where most guys’ hearts lie. Say that and the guy immediately thinks, “You can’t talk to me? All I do is try to talk to you and hear what’s on your mind… but when I ask you ‘What’s wrong?’ You say, ‘Nothing.’ I can’t win.”
5.“_______ used to do _________ for me/with me!” – Ouch. If ________was so great, why the hell didn’t you stay with him?
6.“I don’t like ‘big ones’ because they hurt… yours is perfect, honey.” – My radio co-host, Matty, came up with this one. And yes, it’s shallow and a little petty, but let’s be real… most guys act confident about their junk, but statements like that can ruin a guy’s self-esteem instantly. (Our GalTime gal pals want to know what women are cold enough to say that one!)
7.“Size doesn’t matter.” – Just stop it. By having to say, “it doesn’t matter” you’re saying how much it totally matters. And we’re crushed. For more, see #6.
8.“You’re boring.” – Come on. Seriously? I mean even if that’s kind of true, there’s got to be a better way to relay the message that you’d like to go out more often. Being told you’re boring is a stab right in the heart. NO guy wants his partner to think he’s bland. That comment is also a kick to a guy’s confidence. Now he’s worried that his lady is seeking excitement somewhere other than him.
So you may want to think twice before blurting out something in anger or out of blatant insensitivity. Guys may not always tell you that you’ve hurt them, but they certainly feel it – and far too often that point is forgotten simply because a man is… a man.
How do you fight with your guy? Do you talk it out? Do you think he conveys his feelings…or that he even feels it at all?